Kendrick Lamar - Poetic Justice (LYRICS) ft. Drake

Behind every bad relationship lies fear.

Have you ever been in a toxic relationship? One where your gut told you run, but every time you entertained the thought of leaving, you  couldn't muster the emotional strength to leave? A part of your brain could always come up with excuses.

Is being in a relationship where you are consistently unhappy your idea of love? If so, I've got news for you: If you're in a relationship with someone who used to make you happy and no longer does, what keeps you there is not love, it's fear.

You're afraid that if you leave you may never find someone else; you're afraid of being single again; you're afraid that what you really want may never happen, so instead of taking a chance and moving on, you decide to settle. Unfortunately, you just don't see it that way.

You think you are making the right decision. You think by staying in an unhappy and unfulfilled relationship you are doing the right thing.You convince yourself that things will get better, that he'll change and that it's not that bad, you can live with things the way they are. But the truth is you can't and you know it.

Deep in your gut you know you deserve better. You know you should leave and you know this isn't what you really want. But because this fear is so powerful, you waste your precious time in a relationship where your needs aren't being met.

You spend so much time trying to make him happy and trying to make the relationship work that you forget that your needs aren't being met. And that's a shame, because in a good, mature, healthy relationship, both parties are able to have their needs met ... consistently.And that's the key.

If you are not consistently experiencing the amount of love, honor and respect you desire from your partner, it's time for you to move on. This isn't about how great your relationship was when you first got together; it's about your relationship today, and what it will be like in the future.

If you think things will magically get better, or that you can continue to ignore your gut, it's time for a reality check. It's time to ask yourself why you continue to stay in a relationship where you are not truly happy. If you don't examine your reasons for staying in a toxic relationship, your fear will continue to get the best of you until one of two things happen: 1) your pain becomes intolerable and you decide you can't take it anymore, or 2) you will continue to settle for a toxic relationship.

So, as the new year approaches if you find yourself in a toxic relationship, it would be beneficial to ask yourself this question:  "Why do I continue to stay?" Because if you don't look at and address your reasons for staying, you will undoubtedly find that your fear will keep you exactly where you are, and you deserve better.

It's Not That Complicated

If when asked about your relationship your first words are "It's complicated", you need to read this.

I often hear women asking whether or not their relationship is the real thing. Wondering if the guy they’re with is the right one for them. Wondering what they should do. And in most cases, as soon as they start describing their situation, it becomes pretty clear that there’s a lot more going on in their situation than love. If there’s one mantra to make your own, it’s one that states it clearly and simply: real love is never complicated.Ever.

If, right now, you’re in a situation where there’s a long, drawn out, dramatic story about your relationship, then it’s complicated. If you’re telling your friends about how he sometimes acts like he’s interested, sometimes not; he’s giving you mixed signals; he's becoming emotionally distant; you’re feel as though you should say something about some question mark in your mind, but you’re on the fence as to whether you want to be direct or not; you’re often not sure what he’s really thinking; he’s got an old girlfriend who keeps coming in and out of the picture; he says one thing but his actions are indicating something else; he’s telling you to just give him some time to get his head together; he’s got some stranger than fiction story about how everything fits into his life (including you); he’s got an excuse or an explanation for everything that you question him about that just doesn’t seem quite right; well, you get the picture – it’s complicated.

The point is, if the situation is complicated, your description of it takes more than a couple sentences to explain, and you find yourself making excuses or justifying why the relationship is not exactly your ideal, then this is not love you’re talking about. I know, we’ve all been in or heard about the high drama relationships of so-called love where there’s all the angst, passion, high strung emotions and everything else that makes it fell like the real thing, but the reality is that those kind of relationships, while they may be exciting at first, quickly begin to feel like anything but love. I know. I’ve been there too. The bottom line is, anytime you’ve got that much going on in a relationship, it’s not love. Because love is just not that. Real love is simple.

When you’ve only had that complicated kind of love, when that’s the only kind of relationship you’ve ever known, you won’t know the difference until you’ve experienced a different kind of love - the real kind. So until you do, just know that anytime you’re trying to explain, to others or to yourself, why the relationship you’re in really is love, stop right there. Because if it really is love, there would be no explaining needed. You’ll know. In your heart. Love really is simple. It follows a simple formula: he’s available + you’re available + he wants to be with you + you want to be with him + you’re both open to a relationship with each other and seeing where it takes you. That’s it. There are no games, no drama, no tension. I told you it was simple.

Note that I said it was simple, I didn’t say it was easy. If you don’t get it right away, it’s OK. Be gentle with yourself here. If you’re used to seeing complicated as the norm for love, it will take some time before you can see how simple it really is. And it will take some real soul-searching to understand why you continue to find yourself in these dramatic relationships, and why you continue to hang on to them. Talking it over with a trusted friend or family member or a good relationship counselor, or just writing out your thoughts on paper, is a great way to gain clarity, and is the first step to break us free of the cycle of these toxic relationships that masquerade as love.

So next time you’re asking yourself the question, is it love? Use the simple/complicated litmus test and I think you’ll find it clear. Love is never complicated. Ever.