Who
came up with the idea of a relationship, and what it entails?.. And
why, after all this time, even with the basic knowledge that we're
all pretty different from each other, do we still think that every
relationship should follow these unknown, ridiculous, confining
rules?. Having said that, let me just say that this is not an excuse
for infidelity.. Anyway..
I
may not have all the answers, God knows the things I thought I wanted
6 months ago, don't even apply to me today.. but I think that there's
one fundamental rule of life, that I've figured out, and that is..
Life is a continuous learning process... Pretty simple huh? Yea I
know, I didn't claim that it was some paranormal unknown secret.. But
when you really think about, reallllly give it some thought.. Do we
accept and apply that to our lives?. Moreso, to our relationships?..
And not just boyfriend/girlfriend(sounds trivial I know),
husband/wife, but parent/child, or even plain old friendships.
(SideNote)
as I'm writing this, my phone refuses to come back on and I'm not
bothered... I just thought I should throw that there so that you guys
know how serious I am about this post LOL. anyway let's continue...
Back
to what I started with, you know, my enlightened moment of life
being a continuous learning experience.. If it is that, and I'm
fairly positive that is it. Then why do we confine not only
ourselves, but the people we have relationships with.. You're almost
expected to live in a square, from the time you enter a union with
someone.. Not like a God union, ie marriage, but any union. you
somehow try to stunt growth.. you know.. you're individuality and
figuring out yourself, is now a turn off, and sort of becomes an
omen.. Like what the hell? You're in a relationship and still getting
to know yourself and figure stuff out? Nah, you should be single..
Lol.. stupid right? because, no one really knows who they are, you
evolve, things change, people change, your outlook on life changes,
different things. How does change come? through
experiences.. How can you have experiences, if you're basically
forbidden (in the relationship fine print) to be an individual and
maintain individuality.. It's some unspoken rule that your
"mistakes", should be none to few.. But maybe they aren't
mistakes, maybe it's just you, maybe it's just you trying to figure
out what you like, what you don't, maybe it's just you acting on how
you feel at that particular point in your life.. It's almost as
though people say they want honesty, but if what you want changes( or
if you don't necessarily want to start planning a life of "US",
you're not allowed to say it, because if you do, then the person
you're with would make it all about them, as though, you've wasted
their time... well not really, and don't feel guilty... wanna know why you shouldn't?.. Because at that point of entering something, you
probably thought you wanted exclusivity or you got caught up with the
emotions and thought yea let's talk about our future together, but as
time went on, and you started to learn more about yourself, you learn
that hey maybe this isn't what I wanted.. And that's fine.
Who said you had to have it all figured out by 20?..
Another
thing I want to say.. I'm tired of my delusional in a
relationship friends, and the ones who don't even have a
title.. I love my friends, but I think I need to get
some virgin friends, or those who are
single.. because the "taken" ones, are
in denial, here's why.. they make their entire existence about
the relationship they're in.. maybe that's a female flaw.. Idk.. but
they never admit it, you know they try to downplay the
severity of their pathetic I only exist comfortably if all
is well with him and I mentality.. Don't get me wrong, at one point I
lived in this horrible world.. But I have since broken the shackles
of relationship slavery.. HA. I'm black so I could say
that.. back to my point... for example, you have this test
coming up, but you're really not bothered, you sleep
fine, knowing that this exam, really determines, even if it's a
small part, of your future... yet when you're with Shane, and
you guys have one stupid little disagreement because some one of
you decided to be an individual for a minute.. your entire
world falls apart, you start strolling through shamblestown, and all
is not well again, until you guys make up.. why weren't you crying
about the actual thing that would still be in your life 60 years
from now?.. Your education?.. Or your mind.. whichever.. Your entire
being, happiness, solidarity, relaxation, and well being, now depends
on this person, and no I'm not disputing love, but that's borderline
freaky and pathetic. Yet who is really going to admit that they fall
into this category?... No one, that's why the growth is non existent
and the problems are at the forefront of the dysfunction you call a
relationship...
I
think that a lot of relationships fail, because of unrealistic
expectations.. why do you have to lose yourself? how can you be
expected to grow as one, if you've stopped your personal growth?. You
can't flourish your relationship, if you neglect to nourish your mind
and neglect to learn about yourself.. Yes keep in mind the basic
rules of not cheating(unless agreed upon), because no one wants to
catch some unwanted std or virus.. But maintain freedom, maintain
individuality, leave room for growth, don't confine physically,
emotionally, spiritually or mentally.. Let people explore who they
are, what they want, what they like and what they dislike. Don't put
limitations on what they can come tell you, remember that no one
really comes into it having it all figured out, and sometimes the
reality of it is, that maybe you're here now, only to teach each
other something, and create memories, don't be afraid that if they
advance mentally, they won't need or want you, don't look at it as
time wasted, don't put so much effort into the future, and really
enjoy each other's company, encourage growth, and love. Who cares what society thinks, they're judging you by unrealistic standards that they themselves don't even meet.. Live for you, let them live for them..Liberate them
with words.. It really can do no harm..
