Love Liberates.

So I guess this is a continuation of my previous post.

Recent events have made me look at this differently, and I believe once you have a new outlook on things, you never really go back, especially if it's a liberating one.

Although we may have experienced the same situation together, does not necessarily mean that we will have the same reality, the same perception, the same feelings. And it's important that we acknowledge that, so that we won't be left with preconceived notions about how the other person should feel or behave.

Sometimes we expect certain behaviors simply because of how we ourselves view the world or how we ourselves act in certain situations, and this leaves us with unfulfilling relationships because we expect them to fit into our perception of things, which is unfair and unrealistic, and this usually causes rifts in so many relationships. It takes the beauty out of relationships that are suppose to bring joy into our lives, because we demand from persons what they may be unable to give, and in reality, what we may not even be able to give ourselves.

Unrealistic expectations leads to disappointments, not just expectations, but unrealistic ones, we expect persons to reciprocate what we sometimes don't give, we expect them to show us love, when we don't show them, we expect them to behave a particular way when we haven't given the chance or the tools to do so, we expect them to be upright, when we constantly put them down, we expect appreciation when we don't show appreciation, we expect forgiveness when we don't forgive, we expect selflessness when we are selfish in our giving.. We expect the cycle to break, when we give it longevity. We expect them to live our truths and our realities, when they have their own.. One that was forged by what we unrealistically expected from them. So we've taught them how to be messed up, how to not love, how to be angry, and hold grudges, because we could not admit that we were wrong, because we did not take the time to look within ourselves and admit we have issues, we did not see it fit to do whatever is necessary to fix ourselves... But somehow we expect it from them.

Take today to love, to show love, to forgive, to accept love, to ask for forgiveness, to forgive ourselves, to forget and move past hurt, to ask for understanding, to ask for support, to realize that the longer we stay stuck, the more strain we put on all relationships we have, the longer we take to fix us, the farther everyone who means something to us,goes.

Give yourself the opportunity to grow, to shed old weight and be free.. Liberate, liberate yourself and the people in your life.. love them, love you.. Love does not own, degrade, hurt, or anger.. It simply liberates. Love liberates.

Love is........

I don't believe that any two people meet at the same point in their lives.. Meaning that we're all at different physiological stages when we come across a potential partner, so then how can and why do we think that there is a flat set of wants and needs to have or to be met. 
Following?

.... I think that when you love someone, you care deeply about their well-being and you honestly just want them to be happy, with or without you, you really put your ego aside. Many people proclaim this famous bs line that they want you to be happy even if it's not with them, but then they try to guilt you into staying with them, even if it means you're needs aren't being met in this particular relationship,they're basically looking after their own ego's. 

Love isn't possessive, and I'm not just speaking in the abusive way, but possessive, in that it matters more to you if you aren't hurt or you aren't left, rather than if your partner is truly happy. And in the end these illusion type relationships get to a point where it's tiring to be in and it still ends up coming to nothing. 

Love is selfless, it knows no ego. It is giving of yourself entirely, it is wanting what is best for that person, even if it hurts you to the core. 
Sometimes it's simply for the feeling, the experience, but not meant to last. 
But even with the hurt, and sacrifices, it's beautiful and freeing... 

The Truth!!!

So, it's been awhile since I've written anything. Hi :) I hope you all have been great,and things are progressing in your life.. Let's begin shall we...

I originally wanted to start this post off saying, Not because you have not VERBALLY communicated something with someone,means that NO ONE knows about that "thing", whatever that "thing" may be... Then I also thought of saying bashing someone for doing something that you yourself do, is called being a HYPOCRITE... Because I figured that was equally important to say.. Then I wanted to start off by saying, Things done in the dark, are still things done... Get it??.. I have a trend going here right??... But.... stay with me now... My brilliant mind also came up with, Don't ever be that person who everyone questions,where loyalty is concerned..(started my second topic and I thought of this one)... If you aren't a TEN on the One to Ten scale, it's ok, how many people are?? Physically that is... Except for my cousins, Chaunique,Cherisse and Keda.. I hate you all.. No I'm kidding, I love you guys :*.... But for regular folks.. it's okay, the problem begins when you aren't all that, and you are in denial, about it, and your "friends" encourage it to your face, and talk about it behind your back.... That aint cute!Another great idea was to start off with saying, usually ONLY a guilty party can take offense.. extension of that topic would be.. If you are immature/angry/crazy enough to throw a stat,tweet,whatever at another person, be immature enough to read and accept what they retaliate with, and don't go denying that your stat or tweet was NOT for them in the first place, quit playing, we all know the truth, OWN UP, to your immaturity(sorry I got a bit carried away with this last one)...Since they are all excellent topics, I'll speak about them all,because some of yall folks,need to hear a thing or two or three about these topics... 

Here we go... :)

First thing first

Not because you have not VERBALLY communicated something with someone,means that NO ONE knows about that "thing", whatever that "thing" may be... 

 Let me break this down for ya. There are some people who posses COMMONSENSE, there are some who, APPLY COMMONSENSE,there are others who are very good, excellent maybe, at reading body language or things unspoken, there are others who are really good at putting 1+1 together, and there are people who posses two or more of these wonderful traits. 
Now.... In my observation, I have noticed that persons somehow, are under the impression that because they did not communicate something with someone, for reasons probably being, shame or not wanting to be viewed a particular way, that no one actually knows what is or what has taken place... Like where did we get that thought pattern from? And what is actually worst, is that we somehow manage to get angry,aggravated,irritated and upset that someone can even suggest that we are doing or did do something like "that" at any time in our lives!! We usually end up using words like "alleged" in a real sarcastic tone, or usually end up spilling some info about the person that may have observed you, and let the cat out of the bag.. Let me tell YOU! NOT BECAUSE IT WAS DONE IN THE DARK, MEANS THAT IT WASN'T DONE... Sweetie be real with yourself, it was ok... I never said claim it, if it's really bad and you're really ashamed, But please don't go ACTING like that shit ain't true... DON'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!! Quit it, Own it, Grow Up!! 

That brings us to..

 Bashing someone for doing something that you yourself do, is called being a HYPOCRITE.. 

This is self explanatory.. But let me just say this.. It's ok not to like everyone, or some people... The Christian way, or any religious way would encourage loving your fellow human.. But the reality is, we don't always adhere to that.. And although our goal may be to be there at some point in our life, at this point, you're probably really far from it. So with that being said, if you gossip, which if not all of us, most of us are guilty of doing, you can't bash someone for gossiping. That's crazy, that is like, being an alcoholic and bashing other alcoholics or bashing people who have an occasional drink, anyway you get my drift. It's called being a hypocrite!! It's ok to TELL the person(If you actually know them personally) that hey, maybe we should stop being like this, or whatever, but don't go bashing them for committing the SAME sin as you. Not because you woke up in a bad mood, or you thought you might try changing your life, does not entitle you to be a hypocrite!!

On To The Next...

Things done in the dark, are still things done... It hasn't "not happened" because you hid to do it.. It happened, your just hid to do it out of shame of what other folks would do. Claim It, Own It,Grow Up!!

Moving On Now

Don't ever be that person who everyone questions,where loyalty is concerned..

To say you are loyal to your family alone, is to say I AM STUPID... The only way that works is if you only interact and speak to your family ALONE!! If you make friends, you NEED to be loyal to them, otherwise tell them from the very start of your conversation.... I WILL TURN MY BACK ON YOU, I WILL STAB YOU IN YOUR BACK, I WILL NOT DEFEND YOU IF YOU ARE NOT AROUND, I WILL NOT TELL YOU MY ISSUES WITH YOU,I WILL HOWEVER TELL EVERYONE ELSE. People like you, need to keep to your damn self, ease us all up!! I'm begging. 

If you aren't a TEN on the One to Ten scale, it's ok, how many people are?? Physically that is... Except for my cousins, Chaunique and Cherisse .. I hate you all.. No I'm kidding, I love you guys :*.... But for regular folks.. it's okay, the problem begins when you aren't all that, and you are in denial, about it, and your "friends" encourage it to your face, and talk about it behind your back....

Self explanatory.. This "Friend" is also a hypocrite.... Embrace YOU.. love you... But don't be in denial about certain things, because being in denial, usually means you criticize others who aren't all that either, or maybe they actually look better than you, anyway, your "Friends" usually agree or whatever with you, or maybe they disagree, but as you turn, they criticize you... Get Real and be honest,get new friends too ....


Usually ONLY a guilty party can take offense.. extension of that topic would be.. If you are immature/angry/crazy enough to throw a stat,tweet,whatever at another person, be immature enough to read and accept what they retaliate with, and don't go denying that your stat or tweet was NOT for them in the first place, quit playing, we all know the truth, OWN UP, to your immaturity... Ok so I clearly got a bit carried away. 

If someone's stat has offended you,this is simply because it was clearly the truth! And you need to simply relax and deal with yourself, look within you and get to the bottom of WHY THE HELL DID THIS AFFECT ME THIS WAY. Don't shoot the messenger.. Offense to someone's stat or tweet is simply a reflection of how you are or the way you think, if it bothers you, and you refuse to get into that whole look at myself thing, and you do retaliate with another stat or tweet(this is if you started it) then when the shit hits the fan, because it will, do not go around telling others that the other person is immature because he/she throws stats for you,because you are doing the same damn thing!!! Do not suddenly get maturity and class when you know your come backs aren't as witty, or your guilty a** decides to shut up. Don't act like your messed up mind and lifestyle didn't lead you to believe that a simple status was intended for you and you acted out like the ghetto you are... Don't be a hypocrite, that aint cute either!! Girl have several seats!!


That's about it.. In a nutshell, Don't be rowing the damn boat, and talking about others sitting it!! You better get your life!!

Later guys :* Until next timeeee.... 

Love Gabby

To Pretend Or Not To Pretend

How are we to become who we're suppose to become if we don't acknowledge who we are or the qualities we possess. I think we often get lost on giving an impression rather than acknowledging and letting God actually work on our inner self. We usually want to give the impression that we're doing it right,or maybe it's about wanting to feel we're doing it right. And wanting to say we're better than someone else.. Secretly of course,because we would never actually be boastful.. Remember it's all about giving an impression.. But what good are we to God if we aren't even honest with ourselves,how is he suppose to use us for his good if it's not actually about naturally being  what God wants you to be... Ok so here's how I think.. Now some may agree and others won't,but that's ok,to each his own.. If the desire is in your heart,why are you denying it? Yes it may not be of God,and yes you may think that suppressing it may mean you're actually closer to God than someone who isn't suppressing the desire. But are you really? I always thought that God would remove things from your life,,when it's time. When he needs it gone.. But your desire isn't actually gone,if you suppress it... It's just that.. Suppressed. Not eradicated, so then what makes you any different from the person who is doing it,when you're thinking it. And so do you pass judgment.. Secretly of course,because remember you're all about impression.. So do you pass judgment because they commit the sin ?? But isn't thinking about it sin as well? Cause it's not of God.. Or is it that God forgives you but not someone else?.. See I don't get that.. Is it ok not to pierce your ears,but ok to cause animosity among your brothers and sisters? Or to attend church every Sunday or Saturday yet you aren't in unity with your brothers or sisters? Isn't right right and wrong wrong? Or are your wrongs marked as rights in the Book of Life because it's you?? What if the disciples told Jesus well you know Jesus,that mess you're in really isn't my business,so ummm I'll just stay out,but I will pray for you.. Maybe.. When I get time.. Yea,that's it.. Where would we all be now. If they were all Judas?.. Yes no one is perfect,but if you try to give an impression that you are,or you look down and cast judgment others,then you should actually have no faults.. Right? Or are your faults ok? But then Jesus said that no sin is greater than another.. So in His eyes and by His judgment,our sins deserve the same punishment.. So this feeling we have that we're not as bad as someone else,is simply a man made thing to make ourselves feel better.. Sooooo in reality,you're actually just as bad as the people you judge,maybe even worst,cause they actually Acknowledge it.. Oh yes,sorry,you don't judge right?.. You see I don't get that,I just I don't get it, who is better? The man who says what he has to aloud,or the man or ill speaks of others in quiet and among groups? The guy who says it loud,hears himself right? And others as well,so then it becomes harder to deny,but things done in private are most times easier to deny... Private means we can still pretend.. Right?.. Or maybe we think that when we do a couple good things,our place in Heaven is secure.. But ummm Jesus also spoke out about that too.. Huh.. Imagine that.. There is no amount of good that we can that will appease God.. So pretending or doing all the 'right' things still don't guarantee anything.. So before you judge,please think about the things YOU do,in private... I hope the shame doesn't show up too much :)  

Ups

Many ups and downs.. I've experienced many ups and downs... I've been lost,beaten,tormented,pushed,kicked,shot down,torn up,spat out.. Many ups and downs.. It's who I became.. Swamped,damaged,sunken,drained.. Many downs.. Many downs are what I had,depressed,lonely,chewed up,spat out.. De-motivated my new skin.. Down.. My new name.. More downs than up maybe.. Alone,angry,scared,dying..  Hurt became my mindset,hurt,betrayed,ignored,rejected.. One up.. There was one up.. One purpose,broken,beaten,sad,rejected.. For one reason.. Triumphant.. My new skin.. Happiness my new face.. Hope,trust,dependent on Him.. My outlook.. Down but Up,my new life.. Now?.. Downs in their eyes,Ups In His.. Many downs,More Ups.

Kendrick Lamar - Poetic Justice (LYRICS) ft. Drake

Behind every bad relationship lies fear.

Have you ever been in a toxic relationship? One where your gut told you run, but every time you entertained the thought of leaving, you  couldn't muster the emotional strength to leave? A part of your brain could always come up with excuses.

Is being in a relationship where you are consistently unhappy your idea of love? If so, I've got news for you: If you're in a relationship with someone who used to make you happy and no longer does, what keeps you there is not love, it's fear.

You're afraid that if you leave you may never find someone else; you're afraid of being single again; you're afraid that what you really want may never happen, so instead of taking a chance and moving on, you decide to settle. Unfortunately, you just don't see it that way.

You think you are making the right decision. You think by staying in an unhappy and unfulfilled relationship you are doing the right thing.You convince yourself that things will get better, that he'll change and that it's not that bad, you can live with things the way they are. But the truth is you can't and you know it.

Deep in your gut you know you deserve better. You know you should leave and you know this isn't what you really want. But because this fear is so powerful, you waste your precious time in a relationship where your needs aren't being met.

You spend so much time trying to make him happy and trying to make the relationship work that you forget that your needs aren't being met. And that's a shame, because in a good, mature, healthy relationship, both parties are able to have their needs met ... consistently.And that's the key.

If you are not consistently experiencing the amount of love, honor and respect you desire from your partner, it's time for you to move on. This isn't about how great your relationship was when you first got together; it's about your relationship today, and what it will be like in the future.

If you think things will magically get better, or that you can continue to ignore your gut, it's time for a reality check. It's time to ask yourself why you continue to stay in a relationship where you are not truly happy. If you don't examine your reasons for staying in a toxic relationship, your fear will continue to get the best of you until one of two things happen: 1) your pain becomes intolerable and you decide you can't take it anymore, or 2) you will continue to settle for a toxic relationship.

So, as the new year approaches if you find yourself in a toxic relationship, it would be beneficial to ask yourself this question:  "Why do I continue to stay?" Because if you don't look at and address your reasons for staying, you will undoubtedly find that your fear will keep you exactly where you are, and you deserve better.

It's Not That Complicated

If when asked about your relationship your first words are "It's complicated", you need to read this.

I often hear women asking whether or not their relationship is the real thing. Wondering if the guy they’re with is the right one for them. Wondering what they should do. And in most cases, as soon as they start describing their situation, it becomes pretty clear that there’s a lot more going on in their situation than love. If there’s one mantra to make your own, it’s one that states it clearly and simply: real love is never complicated.Ever.

If, right now, you’re in a situation where there’s a long, drawn out, dramatic story about your relationship, then it’s complicated. If you’re telling your friends about how he sometimes acts like he’s interested, sometimes not; he’s giving you mixed signals; he's becoming emotionally distant; you’re feel as though you should say something about some question mark in your mind, but you’re on the fence as to whether you want to be direct or not; you’re often not sure what he’s really thinking; he’s got an old girlfriend who keeps coming in and out of the picture; he says one thing but his actions are indicating something else; he’s telling you to just give him some time to get his head together; he’s got some stranger than fiction story about how everything fits into his life (including you); he’s got an excuse or an explanation for everything that you question him about that just doesn’t seem quite right; well, you get the picture – it’s complicated.

The point is, if the situation is complicated, your description of it takes more than a couple sentences to explain, and you find yourself making excuses or justifying why the relationship is not exactly your ideal, then this is not love you’re talking about. I know, we’ve all been in or heard about the high drama relationships of so-called love where there’s all the angst, passion, high strung emotions and everything else that makes it fell like the real thing, but the reality is that those kind of relationships, while they may be exciting at first, quickly begin to feel like anything but love. I know. I’ve been there too. The bottom line is, anytime you’ve got that much going on in a relationship, it’s not love. Because love is just not that. Real love is simple.

When you’ve only had that complicated kind of love, when that’s the only kind of relationship you’ve ever known, you won’t know the difference until you’ve experienced a different kind of love - the real kind. So until you do, just know that anytime you’re trying to explain, to others or to yourself, why the relationship you’re in really is love, stop right there. Because if it really is love, there would be no explaining needed. You’ll know. In your heart. Love really is simple. It follows a simple formula: he’s available + you’re available + he wants to be with you + you want to be with him + you’re both open to a relationship with each other and seeing where it takes you. That’s it. There are no games, no drama, no tension. I told you it was simple.

Note that I said it was simple, I didn’t say it was easy. If you don’t get it right away, it’s OK. Be gentle with yourself here. If you’re used to seeing complicated as the norm for love, it will take some time before you can see how simple it really is. And it will take some real soul-searching to understand why you continue to find yourself in these dramatic relationships, and why you continue to hang on to them. Talking it over with a trusted friend or family member or a good relationship counselor, or just writing out your thoughts on paper, is a great way to gain clarity, and is the first step to break us free of the cycle of these toxic relationships that masquerade as love.

So next time you’re asking yourself the question, is it love? Use the simple/complicated litmus test and I think you’ll find it clear. Love is never complicated. Ever.