To Pretend Or Not To Pretend

How are we to become who we're suppose to become if we don't acknowledge who we are or the qualities we possess. I think we often get lost on giving an impression rather than acknowledging and letting God actually work on our inner self. We usually want to give the impression that we're doing it right,or maybe it's about wanting to feel we're doing it right. And wanting to say we're better than someone else.. Secretly of course,because we would never actually be boastful.. Remember it's all about giving an impression.. But what good are we to God if we aren't even honest with ourselves,how is he suppose to use us for his good if it's not actually about naturally being  what God wants you to be... Ok so here's how I think.. Now some may agree and others won't,but that's ok,to each his own.. If the desire is in your heart,why are you denying it? Yes it may not be of God,and yes you may think that suppressing it may mean you're actually closer to God than someone who isn't suppressing the desire. But are you really? I always thought that God would remove things from your life,,when it's time. When he needs it gone.. But your desire isn't actually gone,if you suppress it... It's just that.. Suppressed. Not eradicated, so then what makes you any different from the person who is doing it,when you're thinking it. And so do you pass judgment.. Secretly of course,because remember you're all about impression.. So do you pass judgment because they commit the sin ?? But isn't thinking about it sin as well? Cause it's not of God.. Or is it that God forgives you but not someone else?.. See I don't get that.. Is it ok not to pierce your ears,but ok to cause animosity among your brothers and sisters? Or to attend church every Sunday or Saturday yet you aren't in unity with your brothers or sisters? Isn't right right and wrong wrong? Or are your wrongs marked as rights in the Book of Life because it's you?? What if the disciples told Jesus well you know Jesus,that mess you're in really isn't my business,so ummm I'll just stay out,but I will pray for you.. Maybe.. When I get time.. Yea,that's it.. Where would we all be now. If they were all Judas?.. Yes no one is perfect,but if you try to give an impression that you are,or you look down and cast judgment others,then you should actually have no faults.. Right? Or are your faults ok? But then Jesus said that no sin is greater than another.. So in His eyes and by His judgment,our sins deserve the same punishment.. So this feeling we have that we're not as bad as someone else,is simply a man made thing to make ourselves feel better.. Sooooo in reality,you're actually just as bad as the people you judge,maybe even worst,cause they actually Acknowledge it.. Oh yes,sorry,you don't judge right?.. You see I don't get that,I just I don't get it, who is better? The man who says what he has to aloud,or the man or ill speaks of others in quiet and among groups? The guy who says it loud,hears himself right? And others as well,so then it becomes harder to deny,but things done in private are most times easier to deny... Private means we can still pretend.. Right?.. Or maybe we think that when we do a couple good things,our place in Heaven is secure.. But ummm Jesus also spoke out about that too.. Huh.. Imagine that.. There is no amount of good that we can that will appease God.. So pretending or doing all the 'right' things still don't guarantee anything.. So before you judge,please think about the things YOU do,in private... I hope the shame doesn't show up too much :)  

Ups

Many ups and downs.. I've experienced many ups and downs... I've been lost,beaten,tormented,pushed,kicked,shot down,torn up,spat out.. Many ups and downs.. It's who I became.. Swamped,damaged,sunken,drained.. Many downs.. Many downs are what I had,depressed,lonely,chewed up,spat out.. De-motivated my new skin.. Down.. My new name.. More downs than up maybe.. Alone,angry,scared,dying..  Hurt became my mindset,hurt,betrayed,ignored,rejected.. One up.. There was one up.. One purpose,broken,beaten,sad,rejected.. For one reason.. Triumphant.. My new skin.. Happiness my new face.. Hope,trust,dependent on Him.. My outlook.. Down but Up,my new life.. Now?.. Downs in their eyes,Ups In His.. Many downs,More Ups.