To Pretend Or Not To Pretend

How are we to become who we're suppose to become if we don't acknowledge who we are or the qualities we possess. I think we often get lost on giving an impression rather than acknowledging and letting God actually work on our inner self. We usually want to give the impression that we're doing it right,or maybe it's about wanting to feel we're doing it right. And wanting to say we're better than someone else.. Secretly of course,because we would never actually be boastful.. Remember it's all about giving an impression.. But what good are we to God if we aren't even honest with ourselves,how is he suppose to use us for his good if it's not actually about naturally being  what God wants you to be... Ok so here's how I think.. Now some may agree and others won't,but that's ok,to each his own.. If the desire is in your heart,why are you denying it? Yes it may not be of God,and yes you may think that suppressing it may mean you're actually closer to God than someone who isn't suppressing the desire. But are you really? I always thought that God would remove things from your life,,when it's time. When he needs it gone.. But your desire isn't actually gone,if you suppress it... It's just that.. Suppressed. Not eradicated, so then what makes you any different from the person who is doing it,when you're thinking it. And so do you pass judgment.. Secretly of course,because remember you're all about impression.. So do you pass judgment because they commit the sin ?? But isn't thinking about it sin as well? Cause it's not of God.. Or is it that God forgives you but not someone else?.. See I don't get that.. Is it ok not to pierce your ears,but ok to cause animosity among your brothers and sisters? Or to attend church every Sunday or Saturday yet you aren't in unity with your brothers or sisters? Isn't right right and wrong wrong? Or are your wrongs marked as rights in the Book of Life because it's you?? What if the disciples told Jesus well you know Jesus,that mess you're in really isn't my business,so ummm I'll just stay out,but I will pray for you.. Maybe.. When I get time.. Yea,that's it.. Where would we all be now. If they were all Judas?.. Yes no one is perfect,but if you try to give an impression that you are,or you look down and cast judgment others,then you should actually have no faults.. Right? Or are your faults ok? But then Jesus said that no sin is greater than another.. So in His eyes and by His judgment,our sins deserve the same punishment.. So this feeling we have that we're not as bad as someone else,is simply a man made thing to make ourselves feel better.. Sooooo in reality,you're actually just as bad as the people you judge,maybe even worst,cause they actually Acknowledge it.. Oh yes,sorry,you don't judge right?.. You see I don't get that,I just I don't get it, who is better? The man who says what he has to aloud,or the man or ill speaks of others in quiet and among groups? The guy who says it loud,hears himself right? And others as well,so then it becomes harder to deny,but things done in private are most times easier to deny... Private means we can still pretend.. Right?.. Or maybe we think that when we do a couple good things,our place in Heaven is secure.. But ummm Jesus also spoke out about that too.. Huh.. Imagine that.. There is no amount of good that we can that will appease God.. So pretending or doing all the 'right' things still don't guarantee anything.. So before you judge,please think about the things YOU do,in private... I hope the shame doesn't show up too much :)  

Ups

Many ups and downs.. I've experienced many ups and downs... I've been lost,beaten,tormented,pushed,kicked,shot down,torn up,spat out.. Many ups and downs.. It's who I became.. Swamped,damaged,sunken,drained.. Many downs.. Many downs are what I had,depressed,lonely,chewed up,spat out.. De-motivated my new skin.. Down.. My new name.. More downs than up maybe.. Alone,angry,scared,dying..  Hurt became my mindset,hurt,betrayed,ignored,rejected.. One up.. There was one up.. One purpose,broken,beaten,sad,rejected.. For one reason.. Triumphant.. My new skin.. Happiness my new face.. Hope,trust,dependent on Him.. My outlook.. Down but Up,my new life.. Now?.. Downs in their eyes,Ups In His.. Many downs,More Ups.

Kendrick Lamar - Poetic Justice (LYRICS) ft. Drake

Behind every bad relationship lies fear.

Have you ever been in a toxic relationship? One where your gut told you run, but every time you entertained the thought of leaving, you  couldn't muster the emotional strength to leave? A part of your brain could always come up with excuses.

Is being in a relationship where you are consistently unhappy your idea of love? If so, I've got news for you: If you're in a relationship with someone who used to make you happy and no longer does, what keeps you there is not love, it's fear.

You're afraid that if you leave you may never find someone else; you're afraid of being single again; you're afraid that what you really want may never happen, so instead of taking a chance and moving on, you decide to settle. Unfortunately, you just don't see it that way.

You think you are making the right decision. You think by staying in an unhappy and unfulfilled relationship you are doing the right thing.You convince yourself that things will get better, that he'll change and that it's not that bad, you can live with things the way they are. But the truth is you can't and you know it.

Deep in your gut you know you deserve better. You know you should leave and you know this isn't what you really want. But because this fear is so powerful, you waste your precious time in a relationship where your needs aren't being met.

You spend so much time trying to make him happy and trying to make the relationship work that you forget that your needs aren't being met. And that's a shame, because in a good, mature, healthy relationship, both parties are able to have their needs met ... consistently.And that's the key.

If you are not consistently experiencing the amount of love, honor and respect you desire from your partner, it's time for you to move on. This isn't about how great your relationship was when you first got together; it's about your relationship today, and what it will be like in the future.

If you think things will magically get better, or that you can continue to ignore your gut, it's time for a reality check. It's time to ask yourself why you continue to stay in a relationship where you are not truly happy. If you don't examine your reasons for staying in a toxic relationship, your fear will continue to get the best of you until one of two things happen: 1) your pain becomes intolerable and you decide you can't take it anymore, or 2) you will continue to settle for a toxic relationship.

So, as the new year approaches if you find yourself in a toxic relationship, it would be beneficial to ask yourself this question:  "Why do I continue to stay?" Because if you don't look at and address your reasons for staying, you will undoubtedly find that your fear will keep you exactly where you are, and you deserve better.

It's Not That Complicated

If when asked about your relationship your first words are "It's complicated", you need to read this.

I often hear women asking whether or not their relationship is the real thing. Wondering if the guy they’re with is the right one for them. Wondering what they should do. And in most cases, as soon as they start describing their situation, it becomes pretty clear that there’s a lot more going on in their situation than love. If there’s one mantra to make your own, it’s one that states it clearly and simply: real love is never complicated.Ever.

If, right now, you’re in a situation where there’s a long, drawn out, dramatic story about your relationship, then it’s complicated. If you’re telling your friends about how he sometimes acts like he’s interested, sometimes not; he’s giving you mixed signals; he's becoming emotionally distant; you’re feel as though you should say something about some question mark in your mind, but you’re on the fence as to whether you want to be direct or not; you’re often not sure what he’s really thinking; he’s got an old girlfriend who keeps coming in and out of the picture; he says one thing but his actions are indicating something else; he’s telling you to just give him some time to get his head together; he’s got some stranger than fiction story about how everything fits into his life (including you); he’s got an excuse or an explanation for everything that you question him about that just doesn’t seem quite right; well, you get the picture – it’s complicated.

The point is, if the situation is complicated, your description of it takes more than a couple sentences to explain, and you find yourself making excuses or justifying why the relationship is not exactly your ideal, then this is not love you’re talking about. I know, we’ve all been in or heard about the high drama relationships of so-called love where there’s all the angst, passion, high strung emotions and everything else that makes it fell like the real thing, but the reality is that those kind of relationships, while they may be exciting at first, quickly begin to feel like anything but love. I know. I’ve been there too. The bottom line is, anytime you’ve got that much going on in a relationship, it’s not love. Because love is just not that. Real love is simple.

When you’ve only had that complicated kind of love, when that’s the only kind of relationship you’ve ever known, you won’t know the difference until you’ve experienced a different kind of love - the real kind. So until you do, just know that anytime you’re trying to explain, to others or to yourself, why the relationship you’re in really is love, stop right there. Because if it really is love, there would be no explaining needed. You’ll know. In your heart. Love really is simple. It follows a simple formula: he’s available + you’re available + he wants to be with you + you want to be with him + you’re both open to a relationship with each other and seeing where it takes you. That’s it. There are no games, no drama, no tension. I told you it was simple.

Note that I said it was simple, I didn’t say it was easy. If you don’t get it right away, it’s OK. Be gentle with yourself here. If you’re used to seeing complicated as the norm for love, it will take some time before you can see how simple it really is. And it will take some real soul-searching to understand why you continue to find yourself in these dramatic relationships, and why you continue to hang on to them. Talking it over with a trusted friend or family member or a good relationship counselor, or just writing out your thoughts on paper, is a great way to gain clarity, and is the first step to break us free of the cycle of these toxic relationships that masquerade as love.

So next time you’re asking yourself the question, is it love? Use the simple/complicated litmus test and I think you’ll find it clear. Love is never complicated. Ever.

Asking the right Question

Blessed is he who realizes that he is not perfect,but takes time to better himself...

We ask so many question throughout the day, to become more knowledgeable than we were the day before.. But I think one very important question that we neglect to ask another person is, "What do you think of me"?...  You see, although many may say that what others think  of them, is not important, I don't believe that, well to an extent I do, I do think that what persons close to you, think of you, is extremely important.. See often times we place ourselves on a pedestal, where we somehow think that we are doing everything as it should be done, whether in relation to our children, our relationships,friendships,family matters, work, whatever it be. And yes we know that we aren't perfect, but reality is, most of us only know that in theory.. You know.. "No one is perfect"... But do we really look at the situations that arise in our lives and take blame, accept responsibility, apologize and try to make ourselves better? Or is it easier for us, to blame the other party, and walk away either bitter or with guilt pulling at everything inside you, but pride saying"forget that, you don't need anyone throwing anything in your face"... 

Sometimes it's easier to not accept responsibility in the failure of a marriage/relationship/friendship/attitude or actions of your child.loss of a job, it's easier to notice the faults of someone else, and not look within ourselves. Sometimes without knowing it, our actions or words, affect persons very close to us, negatively, and while yes it is our life to live, we also need to take others into consideration, because no man is an island, and we would want others to keep in mind, how their actions may affect us.

Take time to ask a question, take time to ask persons how they think you can make yourself better, what they would want from you, you can tell them what you may want from them, sometimes it may be really simple things, a hug, a shoulder, things that you may think you're giving, and really you're not. 

Maybe you want your partner to be more affectionate, but he isn't(at least not in a way that you recognize), and he doesn't realize that he lacks in that department  and you aren't saying anything because you don't think you should have to say it, because you believe that you show him affection,and so there you are with all that built up anger you accumulate from not actually telling your partner you want him to be affectionate, which translates into you not showing much affection, and then your partner now is looking at you and maybe thinking, gosh I wish she would show me some affection. And then there is this never ending cycle, because no one is asking a question or speaking out. 

Same goes for your child, you may want he or she too listen when you speak, but you don't listen to him/her when he/she speaks, and yes you are the parent, and he/she is the child, but he/she is also human, and they have opinions,they have voices and they have feelings. 
Everyone wants a little recognition, acknowledge it, everyone sees room for improvement in their loved ones, tell them, and take into consideration that they may see room for improvement in you.

Let's become a society where saying is not enough, but doing is what we require. The question is not whether or not you love, or appreciate,but it's how you show it. Have a blessed day 

Rihanna - What Now (Unapologetic)