Awful Reasons to stay

We’ve all been in that relationship before where our friends, family and coworkers wonder why you’re still in. Sure, it started out great, with all of the thrill and fireworks of new and exciting love. He chased you, won your heart and told you everything you wanted to hear; he made you feel so beautiful, so alive, so wanted.

But, bit by bit, things started to change. There were fights, hurt feelings and things that were said that shouldn’t be said to anyone. There were also scars that couldn’t heal and there may have been infidelity. It just keeps getting worse. Of course, there were also apologies and the highly dramatic make-ups that seemed like the only thing that brought you close to that original excitement that you now wanted to get back to so badly … but you could never quite get there. So, you settled for the break-up and make-up rollercoaster ride to fill the emotional void that was ever widening.

Ultimately you find yourself submissive to a constant feeling of depression, which — when coupled with a lack of communication and support — leads to a life that’s just utterly lacking in love. But, still, you can’t let go.What is it that forces us to stay in relationships that aren’t good for us? There are many reasons, but more often than not, it’s a combination of several motivations. The first step towards making your situation better is in understanding why you’re making the choices you’re making to begin with. 

1. You're afraid you're getting old. You're afraid if you leave, you'll feel desperate to find someone else quickly because you think you're running out of time. You may also feel that if you can just make this work it will be much better than having to start all over again with someone new or you may feel the pressure of your biological clock ticking. Bad relationships don't get better with age.

2. You're afraid of being lonely. This is one of the most common reasons for staying in a relationship that's just not working. You may have very clear memories of how alone you felt on those long lonely Saturday nights when you had no plans and nobody to be with. As much as we all long for someone to share the beautiful, special moments in life with, as well as someone to be intimate with, being with the wrong person just for the sake of avoiding being alone will ultimately lead to more pain and sadness than the pain of loneliness.

3. You're stuck in the fairytale. It started out as such a storybook romance. He was the knight in shining armor, you the damsel in distress. Or, it was such a fateful, romantic chance meeting that brought the two of you together that you just know it was destiny, and you'll do whatever it takes to fulfill that destiny. But, the reality is something more like this: he was charming in the beginning, you had some great chemistry, but you're not really compatible in your goals, values, or beliefs. It's time to let go of the fairytale and see it for what it really is: a bad match. 

4. You feel guilty about the idea of leaving him. You want to get out, and you know it's not healthy for either of you, but you know he'll be devastated and you don't want to hurt him. You may also feel that if you leave him, he won’t be able to find another woman who will care for him, and he'll fall into a depression.

5. You're feeling pressure from family or friends. You know he's not the right guy for you, but your family likes him so much and you just don't want to upset them. Or, all of your siblings and most of your friends are married already, and everyone's questioning when you're going to settle down, asking you "when's the wedding?" 

6. It's easy. The relationship is not great, and certainly not what you always wanted, but it fits in your comfort zone, and you're afraid of change. He's not the worst partner, and who knows if you'll find anything better; as the saying goes, the devil you know is better than the devil you don't know. Trust in your heart that when you learn how to find and choose the kind of guy that's right for you, change will be good.

7. You're afraid that no one else will want you. You're afraid you won't be chosen by anyone else, so you stick with what you've got. This one is all too common, and is due to low self-confidence and low self-esteem. The good news is that it's fixable, and you can have fun in the process. By trying new things, learning new skills, and finding out what makes you happy, you will build up your confidence levels. Finally, your self-esteem will automatically rise with it.