Who said we can't make our our rules???....

Who came up with the idea of a relationship, and what it entails?.. And why, after all this time, even with the basic knowledge that we're all pretty different from each other, do we still think that every relationship should follow these unknown, ridiculous, confining rules?. Having said that, let me just say that this is not an excuse for infidelity.. Anyway..

I may not have all the answers, God knows the things I thought I wanted 6 months ago, don't even apply to me today.. but I think that there's one fundamental rule of life, that I've figured out, and that is.. Life is a continuous learning process... Pretty simple huh? Yea I know, I didn't claim that it was some paranormal unknown secret.. But when you really think about, reallllly give it some thought.. Do we accept and apply that to our lives?. Moreso, to our relationships?.. And not just boyfriend/girlfriend(sounds trivial I know), husband/wife, but parent/child, or even plain old friendships.

(SideNote) as I'm writing this, my phone refuses to come back on and I'm not bothered... I just thought I should throw that there so that you guys know how serious I am about this post LOL. anyway let's continue...

Back to what I started with, you know, my enlightened  moment of life being a continuous learning experience.. If it is that, and I'm fairly positive that is it. Then why do we confine not only ourselves, but the people we have relationships with.. You're almost expected to live in a square, from the time you enter a union with someone.. Not like a God union, ie marriage, but any union. you somehow try to stunt growth.. you know.. you're individuality and figuring out yourself, is now a turn off, and sort of becomes an omen.. Like what the hell? You're in a relationship and still getting to know yourself and figure stuff out? Nah, you should be single.. Lol.. stupid right? because, no one really knows who they are, you evolve, things change, people change, your outlook on life changes, different things.  How does change come? through experiences.. How can you have experiences, if you're basically forbidden (in the relationship fine print) to be an individual and maintain individuality.. It's some unspoken rule that your "mistakes", should be none to few.. But maybe they aren't mistakes, maybe it's just you, maybe it's just you trying to figure out what you like, what you don't, maybe it's just you acting on how you feel at that particular point in your life.. It's almost as though people say they want honesty, but if what you want changes( or if you don't necessarily want to start planning a life of "US", you're not allowed to say it, because if you do, then the person you're with would make it all about them, as though, you've wasted their time... well not really, and don't feel guilty... wanna know why you shouldn't?.. Because at that point of entering something, you probably thought you wanted exclusivity or you got caught up with the emotions and thought yea let's talk about our future together, but as time went on, and you started to learn more about yourself, you learn that hey maybe this isn't what I wanted.. And that's fine. Who said you had to have it all figured out by 20?..

Another thing I want to say.. I'm tired of my delusional in a relationship friends, and the ones who don't even have a title.. I love my friends, but I think I need to get some virgin friends, or those who are single.. because the "taken" ones, are in denial, here's why.. they make their entire existence about the relationship they're in.. maybe that's a female flaw.. Idk.. but they never admit it, you  know they try to downplay the severity of their pathetic I only exist comfortably if all is well with him and I mentality.. Don't get me wrong, at one point I lived in this horrible world.. But I have since broken the shackles of relationship slavery.. HA. I'm black so I could say that.. back to my point... for example, you have this test coming up, but you're really not bothered, you sleep fine, knowing that this exam, really determines, even if it's a small part, of your future... yet when you're with Shane, and you guys have one stupid little disagreement because some one of you decided to be an individual for a minute.. your entire world falls apart, you start strolling through shamblestown, and all is not well again, until you guys make up.. why weren't you crying about the actual thing that would still be in your life 60 years from now?.. Your education?.. Or your mind.. whichever.. Your entire being, happiness, solidarity, relaxation, and well being, now depends on this person, and no I'm not disputing love, but that's borderline freaky and pathetic. Yet who is really going to admit that they fall into this category?... No one, that's why the growth is non existent and the problems are at the forefront of the dysfunction you call a relationship...

I think that a lot of relationships fail, because of unrealistic expectations.. why do you have to lose yourself? how can you be expected to grow as one, if you've stopped your personal growth?. You can't flourish your relationship, if you neglect to nourish your mind and neglect to learn about yourself.. Yes keep in mind the basic rules of not cheating(unless agreed upon), because no one wants to catch some unwanted std or virus.. But maintain freedom, maintain individuality, leave room for growth, don't confine physically, emotionally, spiritually or mentally.. Let people explore who they are, what they want, what they like and what they dislike. Don't put limitations on what they can come tell you, remember that no one really comes into it having it all figured out, and sometimes the reality of it is, that maybe you're here now, only to teach each other something, and create memories, don't be afraid that if they advance mentally, they won't need or want you, don't look at it as time wasted, don't put so much effort into the future, and really enjoy each other's company, encourage growth, and love. Who cares what society thinks, they're judging you by unrealistic standards that they themselves don't even meet.. Live for you, let them live for them..Liberate them with words.. It really can do no harm..

I'll be back

Why do we always have to have a reason for something happening? Why is it that we can't just accept it ending, no real reason?.. I have more, some other time maybe?.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4nQzEshgDFA

Empty Words

Empty words.. Simple words that once tasted sweet upon your tongue, are now bland, they don't exude the same happiness you once felt.. They're empty..
You repeat them daily, but without much emotion, if any at all, and without much thought.. Maybe you may just stop speaking them at all, because now you feel as though you're betraying them, their kindness, brightness, faithfulness... They no longer carry weight, and you feel guilty that you even allow your voice to utter them..When do words become empty? What causes them to be drained of all life? How do you resuscitate them to their former glory?... How do you give life to your now darkened dull drab words

Love Liberates.

So I guess this is a continuation of my previous post.

Recent events have made me look at this differently, and I believe once you have a new outlook on things, you never really go back, especially if it's a liberating one.

Although we may have experienced the same situation together, does not necessarily mean that we will have the same reality, the same perception, the same feelings. And it's important that we acknowledge that, so that we won't be left with preconceived notions about how the other person should feel or behave.

Sometimes we expect certain behaviors simply because of how we ourselves view the world or how we ourselves act in certain situations, and this leaves us with unfulfilling relationships because we expect them to fit into our perception of things, which is unfair and unrealistic, and this usually causes rifts in so many relationships. It takes the beauty out of relationships that are suppose to bring joy into our lives, because we demand from persons what they may be unable to give, and in reality, what we may not even be able to give ourselves.

Unrealistic expectations leads to disappointments, not just expectations, but unrealistic ones, we expect persons to reciprocate what we sometimes don't give, we expect them to show us love, when we don't show them, we expect them to behave a particular way when we haven't given the chance or the tools to do so, we expect them to be upright, when we constantly put them down, we expect appreciation when we don't show appreciation, we expect forgiveness when we don't forgive, we expect selflessness when we are selfish in our giving.. We expect the cycle to break, when we give it longevity. We expect them to live our truths and our realities, when they have their own.. One that was forged by what we unrealistically expected from them. So we've taught them how to be messed up, how to not love, how to be angry, and hold grudges, because we could not admit that we were wrong, because we did not take the time to look within ourselves and admit we have issues, we did not see it fit to do whatever is necessary to fix ourselves... But somehow we expect it from them.

Take today to love, to show love, to forgive, to accept love, to ask for forgiveness, to forgive ourselves, to forget and move past hurt, to ask for understanding, to ask for support, to realize that the longer we stay stuck, the more strain we put on all relationships we have, the longer we take to fix us, the farther everyone who means something to us,goes.

Give yourself the opportunity to grow, to shed old weight and be free.. Liberate, liberate yourself and the people in your life.. love them, love you.. Love does not own, degrade, hurt, or anger.. It simply liberates. Love liberates.

Love is........

I don't believe that any two people meet at the same point in their lives.. Meaning that we're all at different physiological stages when we come across a potential partner, so then how can and why do we think that there is a flat set of wants and needs to have or to be met. 
Following?

.... I think that when you love someone, you care deeply about their well-being and you honestly just want them to be happy, with or without you, you really put your ego aside. Many people proclaim this famous bs line that they want you to be happy even if it's not with them, but then they try to guilt you into staying with them, even if it means you're needs aren't being met in this particular relationship,they're basically looking after their own ego's. 

Love isn't possessive, and I'm not just speaking in the abusive way, but possessive, in that it matters more to you if you aren't hurt or you aren't left, rather than if your partner is truly happy. And in the end these illusion type relationships get to a point where it's tiring to be in and it still ends up coming to nothing. 

Love is selfless, it knows no ego. It is giving of yourself entirely, it is wanting what is best for that person, even if it hurts you to the core. 
Sometimes it's simply for the feeling, the experience, but not meant to last. 
But even with the hurt, and sacrifices, it's beautiful and freeing... 

The Truth!!!

So, it's been awhile since I've written anything. Hi :) I hope you all have been great,and things are progressing in your life.. Let's begin shall we...

I originally wanted to start this post off saying, Not because you have not VERBALLY communicated something with someone,means that NO ONE knows about that "thing", whatever that "thing" may be... Then I also thought of saying bashing someone for doing something that you yourself do, is called being a HYPOCRITE... Because I figured that was equally important to say.. Then I wanted to start off by saying, Things done in the dark, are still things done... Get it??.. I have a trend going here right??... But.... stay with me now... My brilliant mind also came up with, Don't ever be that person who everyone questions,where loyalty is concerned..(started my second topic and I thought of this one)... If you aren't a TEN on the One to Ten scale, it's ok, how many people are?? Physically that is... Except for my cousins, Chaunique,Cherisse and Keda.. I hate you all.. No I'm kidding, I love you guys :*.... But for regular folks.. it's okay, the problem begins when you aren't all that, and you are in denial, about it, and your "friends" encourage it to your face, and talk about it behind your back.... That aint cute!Another great idea was to start off with saying, usually ONLY a guilty party can take offense.. extension of that topic would be.. If you are immature/angry/crazy enough to throw a stat,tweet,whatever at another person, be immature enough to read and accept what they retaliate with, and don't go denying that your stat or tweet was NOT for them in the first place, quit playing, we all know the truth, OWN UP, to your immaturity(sorry I got a bit carried away with this last one)...Since they are all excellent topics, I'll speak about them all,because some of yall folks,need to hear a thing or two or three about these topics... 

Here we go... :)

First thing first

Not because you have not VERBALLY communicated something with someone,means that NO ONE knows about that "thing", whatever that "thing" may be... 

 Let me break this down for ya. There are some people who posses COMMONSENSE, there are some who, APPLY COMMONSENSE,there are others who are very good, excellent maybe, at reading body language or things unspoken, there are others who are really good at putting 1+1 together, and there are people who posses two or more of these wonderful traits. 
Now.... In my observation, I have noticed that persons somehow, are under the impression that because they did not communicate something with someone, for reasons probably being, shame or not wanting to be viewed a particular way, that no one actually knows what is or what has taken place... Like where did we get that thought pattern from? And what is actually worst, is that we somehow manage to get angry,aggravated,irritated and upset that someone can even suggest that we are doing or did do something like "that" at any time in our lives!! We usually end up using words like "alleged" in a real sarcastic tone, or usually end up spilling some info about the person that may have observed you, and let the cat out of the bag.. Let me tell YOU! NOT BECAUSE IT WAS DONE IN THE DARK, MEANS THAT IT WASN'T DONE... Sweetie be real with yourself, it was ok... I never said claim it, if it's really bad and you're really ashamed, But please don't go ACTING like that shit ain't true... DON'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!! Quit it, Own it, Grow Up!! 

That brings us to..

 Bashing someone for doing something that you yourself do, is called being a HYPOCRITE.. 

This is self explanatory.. But let me just say this.. It's ok not to like everyone, or some people... The Christian way, or any religious way would encourage loving your fellow human.. But the reality is, we don't always adhere to that.. And although our goal may be to be there at some point in our life, at this point, you're probably really far from it. So with that being said, if you gossip, which if not all of us, most of us are guilty of doing, you can't bash someone for gossiping. That's crazy, that is like, being an alcoholic and bashing other alcoholics or bashing people who have an occasional drink, anyway you get my drift. It's called being a hypocrite!! It's ok to TELL the person(If you actually know them personally) that hey, maybe we should stop being like this, or whatever, but don't go bashing them for committing the SAME sin as you. Not because you woke up in a bad mood, or you thought you might try changing your life, does not entitle you to be a hypocrite!!

On To The Next...

Things done in the dark, are still things done... It hasn't "not happened" because you hid to do it.. It happened, your just hid to do it out of shame of what other folks would do. Claim It, Own It,Grow Up!!

Moving On Now

Don't ever be that person who everyone questions,where loyalty is concerned..

To say you are loyal to your family alone, is to say I AM STUPID... The only way that works is if you only interact and speak to your family ALONE!! If you make friends, you NEED to be loyal to them, otherwise tell them from the very start of your conversation.... I WILL TURN MY BACK ON YOU, I WILL STAB YOU IN YOUR BACK, I WILL NOT DEFEND YOU IF YOU ARE NOT AROUND, I WILL NOT TELL YOU MY ISSUES WITH YOU,I WILL HOWEVER TELL EVERYONE ELSE. People like you, need to keep to your damn self, ease us all up!! I'm begging. 

If you aren't a TEN on the One to Ten scale, it's ok, how many people are?? Physically that is... Except for my cousins, Chaunique and Cherisse .. I hate you all.. No I'm kidding, I love you guys :*.... But for regular folks.. it's okay, the problem begins when you aren't all that, and you are in denial, about it, and your "friends" encourage it to your face, and talk about it behind your back....

Self explanatory.. This "Friend" is also a hypocrite.... Embrace YOU.. love you... But don't be in denial about certain things, because being in denial, usually means you criticize others who aren't all that either, or maybe they actually look better than you, anyway, your "Friends" usually agree or whatever with you, or maybe they disagree, but as you turn, they criticize you... Get Real and be honest,get new friends too ....


Usually ONLY a guilty party can take offense.. extension of that topic would be.. If you are immature/angry/crazy enough to throw a stat,tweet,whatever at another person, be immature enough to read and accept what they retaliate with, and don't go denying that your stat or tweet was NOT for them in the first place, quit playing, we all know the truth, OWN UP, to your immaturity... Ok so I clearly got a bit carried away. 

If someone's stat has offended you,this is simply because it was clearly the truth! And you need to simply relax and deal with yourself, look within you and get to the bottom of WHY THE HELL DID THIS AFFECT ME THIS WAY. Don't shoot the messenger.. Offense to someone's stat or tweet is simply a reflection of how you are or the way you think, if it bothers you, and you refuse to get into that whole look at myself thing, and you do retaliate with another stat or tweet(this is if you started it) then when the shit hits the fan, because it will, do not go around telling others that the other person is immature because he/she throws stats for you,because you are doing the same damn thing!!! Do not suddenly get maturity and class when you know your come backs aren't as witty, or your guilty a** decides to shut up. Don't act like your messed up mind and lifestyle didn't lead you to believe that a simple status was intended for you and you acted out like the ghetto you are... Don't be a hypocrite, that aint cute either!! Girl have several seats!!


That's about it.. In a nutshell, Don't be rowing the damn boat, and talking about others sitting it!! You better get your life!!

Later guys :* Until next timeeee.... 

Love Gabby

To Pretend Or Not To Pretend

How are we to become who we're suppose to become if we don't acknowledge who we are or the qualities we possess. I think we often get lost on giving an impression rather than acknowledging and letting God actually work on our inner self. We usually want to give the impression that we're doing it right,or maybe it's about wanting to feel we're doing it right. And wanting to say we're better than someone else.. Secretly of course,because we would never actually be boastful.. Remember it's all about giving an impression.. But what good are we to God if we aren't even honest with ourselves,how is he suppose to use us for his good if it's not actually about naturally being  what God wants you to be... Ok so here's how I think.. Now some may agree and others won't,but that's ok,to each his own.. If the desire is in your heart,why are you denying it? Yes it may not be of God,and yes you may think that suppressing it may mean you're actually closer to God than someone who isn't suppressing the desire. But are you really? I always thought that God would remove things from your life,,when it's time. When he needs it gone.. But your desire isn't actually gone,if you suppress it... It's just that.. Suppressed. Not eradicated, so then what makes you any different from the person who is doing it,when you're thinking it. And so do you pass judgment.. Secretly of course,because remember you're all about impression.. So do you pass judgment because they commit the sin ?? But isn't thinking about it sin as well? Cause it's not of God.. Or is it that God forgives you but not someone else?.. See I don't get that.. Is it ok not to pierce your ears,but ok to cause animosity among your brothers and sisters? Or to attend church every Sunday or Saturday yet you aren't in unity with your brothers or sisters? Isn't right right and wrong wrong? Or are your wrongs marked as rights in the Book of Life because it's you?? What if the disciples told Jesus well you know Jesus,that mess you're in really isn't my business,so ummm I'll just stay out,but I will pray for you.. Maybe.. When I get time.. Yea,that's it.. Where would we all be now. If they were all Judas?.. Yes no one is perfect,but if you try to give an impression that you are,or you look down and cast judgment others,then you should actually have no faults.. Right? Or are your faults ok? But then Jesus said that no sin is greater than another.. So in His eyes and by His judgment,our sins deserve the same punishment.. So this feeling we have that we're not as bad as someone else,is simply a man made thing to make ourselves feel better.. Sooooo in reality,you're actually just as bad as the people you judge,maybe even worst,cause they actually Acknowledge it.. Oh yes,sorry,you don't judge right?.. You see I don't get that,I just I don't get it, who is better? The man who says what he has to aloud,or the man or ill speaks of others in quiet and among groups? The guy who says it loud,hears himself right? And others as well,so then it becomes harder to deny,but things done in private are most times easier to deny... Private means we can still pretend.. Right?.. Or maybe we think that when we do a couple good things,our place in Heaven is secure.. But ummm Jesus also spoke out about that too.. Huh.. Imagine that.. There is no amount of good that we can that will appease God.. So pretending or doing all the 'right' things still don't guarantee anything.. So before you judge,please think about the things YOU do,in private... I hope the shame doesn't show up too much :)  

Ups

Many ups and downs.. I've experienced many ups and downs... I've been lost,beaten,tormented,pushed,kicked,shot down,torn up,spat out.. Many ups and downs.. It's who I became.. Swamped,damaged,sunken,drained.. Many downs.. Many downs are what I had,depressed,lonely,chewed up,spat out.. De-motivated my new skin.. Down.. My new name.. More downs than up maybe.. Alone,angry,scared,dying..  Hurt became my mindset,hurt,betrayed,ignored,rejected.. One up.. There was one up.. One purpose,broken,beaten,sad,rejected.. For one reason.. Triumphant.. My new skin.. Happiness my new face.. Hope,trust,dependent on Him.. My outlook.. Down but Up,my new life.. Now?.. Downs in their eyes,Ups In His.. Many downs,More Ups.

Kendrick Lamar - Poetic Justice (LYRICS) ft. Drake

Behind every bad relationship lies fear.

Have you ever been in a toxic relationship? One where your gut told you run, but every time you entertained the thought of leaving, you  couldn't muster the emotional strength to leave? A part of your brain could always come up with excuses.

Is being in a relationship where you are consistently unhappy your idea of love? If so, I've got news for you: If you're in a relationship with someone who used to make you happy and no longer does, what keeps you there is not love, it's fear.

You're afraid that if you leave you may never find someone else; you're afraid of being single again; you're afraid that what you really want may never happen, so instead of taking a chance and moving on, you decide to settle. Unfortunately, you just don't see it that way.

You think you are making the right decision. You think by staying in an unhappy and unfulfilled relationship you are doing the right thing.You convince yourself that things will get better, that he'll change and that it's not that bad, you can live with things the way they are. But the truth is you can't and you know it.

Deep in your gut you know you deserve better. You know you should leave and you know this isn't what you really want. But because this fear is so powerful, you waste your precious time in a relationship where your needs aren't being met.

You spend so much time trying to make him happy and trying to make the relationship work that you forget that your needs aren't being met. And that's a shame, because in a good, mature, healthy relationship, both parties are able to have their needs met ... consistently.And that's the key.

If you are not consistently experiencing the amount of love, honor and respect you desire from your partner, it's time for you to move on. This isn't about how great your relationship was when you first got together; it's about your relationship today, and what it will be like in the future.

If you think things will magically get better, or that you can continue to ignore your gut, it's time for a reality check. It's time to ask yourself why you continue to stay in a relationship where you are not truly happy. If you don't examine your reasons for staying in a toxic relationship, your fear will continue to get the best of you until one of two things happen: 1) your pain becomes intolerable and you decide you can't take it anymore, or 2) you will continue to settle for a toxic relationship.

So, as the new year approaches if you find yourself in a toxic relationship, it would be beneficial to ask yourself this question:  "Why do I continue to stay?" Because if you don't look at and address your reasons for staying, you will undoubtedly find that your fear will keep you exactly where you are, and you deserve better.

It's Not That Complicated

If when asked about your relationship your first words are "It's complicated", you need to read this.

I often hear women asking whether or not their relationship is the real thing. Wondering if the guy they’re with is the right one for them. Wondering what they should do. And in most cases, as soon as they start describing their situation, it becomes pretty clear that there’s a lot more going on in their situation than love. If there’s one mantra to make your own, it’s one that states it clearly and simply: real love is never complicated.Ever.

If, right now, you’re in a situation where there’s a long, drawn out, dramatic story about your relationship, then it’s complicated. If you’re telling your friends about how he sometimes acts like he’s interested, sometimes not; he’s giving you mixed signals; he's becoming emotionally distant; you’re feel as though you should say something about some question mark in your mind, but you’re on the fence as to whether you want to be direct or not; you’re often not sure what he’s really thinking; he’s got an old girlfriend who keeps coming in and out of the picture; he says one thing but his actions are indicating something else; he’s telling you to just give him some time to get his head together; he’s got some stranger than fiction story about how everything fits into his life (including you); he’s got an excuse or an explanation for everything that you question him about that just doesn’t seem quite right; well, you get the picture – it’s complicated.

The point is, if the situation is complicated, your description of it takes more than a couple sentences to explain, and you find yourself making excuses or justifying why the relationship is not exactly your ideal, then this is not love you’re talking about. I know, we’ve all been in or heard about the high drama relationships of so-called love where there’s all the angst, passion, high strung emotions and everything else that makes it fell like the real thing, but the reality is that those kind of relationships, while they may be exciting at first, quickly begin to feel like anything but love. I know. I’ve been there too. The bottom line is, anytime you’ve got that much going on in a relationship, it’s not love. Because love is just not that. Real love is simple.

When you’ve only had that complicated kind of love, when that’s the only kind of relationship you’ve ever known, you won’t know the difference until you’ve experienced a different kind of love - the real kind. So until you do, just know that anytime you’re trying to explain, to others or to yourself, why the relationship you’re in really is love, stop right there. Because if it really is love, there would be no explaining needed. You’ll know. In your heart. Love really is simple. It follows a simple formula: he’s available + you’re available + he wants to be with you + you want to be with him + you’re both open to a relationship with each other and seeing where it takes you. That’s it. There are no games, no drama, no tension. I told you it was simple.

Note that I said it was simple, I didn’t say it was easy. If you don’t get it right away, it’s OK. Be gentle with yourself here. If you’re used to seeing complicated as the norm for love, it will take some time before you can see how simple it really is. And it will take some real soul-searching to understand why you continue to find yourself in these dramatic relationships, and why you continue to hang on to them. Talking it over with a trusted friend or family member or a good relationship counselor, or just writing out your thoughts on paper, is a great way to gain clarity, and is the first step to break us free of the cycle of these toxic relationships that masquerade as love.

So next time you’re asking yourself the question, is it love? Use the simple/complicated litmus test and I think you’ll find it clear. Love is never complicated. Ever.

Asking the right Question

Blessed is he who realizes that he is not perfect,but takes time to better himself...

We ask so many question throughout the day, to become more knowledgeable than we were the day before.. But I think one very important question that we neglect to ask another person is, "What do you think of me"?...  You see, although many may say that what others think  of them, is not important, I don't believe that, well to an extent I do, I do think that what persons close to you, think of you, is extremely important.. See often times we place ourselves on a pedestal, where we somehow think that we are doing everything as it should be done, whether in relation to our children, our relationships,friendships,family matters, work, whatever it be. And yes we know that we aren't perfect, but reality is, most of us only know that in theory.. You know.. "No one is perfect"... But do we really look at the situations that arise in our lives and take blame, accept responsibility, apologize and try to make ourselves better? Or is it easier for us, to blame the other party, and walk away either bitter or with guilt pulling at everything inside you, but pride saying"forget that, you don't need anyone throwing anything in your face"... 

Sometimes it's easier to not accept responsibility in the failure of a marriage/relationship/friendship/attitude or actions of your child.loss of a job, it's easier to notice the faults of someone else, and not look within ourselves. Sometimes without knowing it, our actions or words, affect persons very close to us, negatively, and while yes it is our life to live, we also need to take others into consideration, because no man is an island, and we would want others to keep in mind, how their actions may affect us.

Take time to ask a question, take time to ask persons how they think you can make yourself better, what they would want from you, you can tell them what you may want from them, sometimes it may be really simple things, a hug, a shoulder, things that you may think you're giving, and really you're not. 

Maybe you want your partner to be more affectionate, but he isn't(at least not in a way that you recognize), and he doesn't realize that he lacks in that department  and you aren't saying anything because you don't think you should have to say it, because you believe that you show him affection,and so there you are with all that built up anger you accumulate from not actually telling your partner you want him to be affectionate, which translates into you not showing much affection, and then your partner now is looking at you and maybe thinking, gosh I wish she would show me some affection. And then there is this never ending cycle, because no one is asking a question or speaking out. 

Same goes for your child, you may want he or she too listen when you speak, but you don't listen to him/her when he/she speaks, and yes you are the parent, and he/she is the child, but he/she is also human, and they have opinions,they have voices and they have feelings. 
Everyone wants a little recognition, acknowledge it, everyone sees room for improvement in their loved ones, tell them, and take into consideration that they may see room for improvement in you.

Let's become a society where saying is not enough, but doing is what we require. The question is not whether or not you love, or appreciate,but it's how you show it. Have a blessed day 

Rihanna - What Now (Unapologetic)

A little love goes a long way

I'm a feeler... Well I'm not sure if that's the correct terminology, lol.. But I feel people's pain when they speak to me, call it whatever you want.. I say I'm a feeler. I haven't been able to distance myself as well as I would like, cause I'm also an extremist.. It's one extreme to the other. But I don't always see this as a curse, because I'm usually able to tell two sides, be logical and explain what needs to be explained.. Be the voice of reason and everything. So with that being said, I have something really important to say.. 

When i experienced some difficult times with my mom, I was able to turn to some very supportive persons, yet one person really stood out for me and made me realize that within my own self that I did not always look at both sides when it came to my own life, which I guess happens alot with persons. So anyway this amazing woman(My Mother In Law to be :) ) told me that maybe my mo was hurt before and that hardened her heart a bit, and without even knowing it, she transfers that hurt unto those who love her the most. And that I should let her know that I love her and try to understand where she was coming from. Really it sounds like common sense but really it wasn't at the moment, I guess because I was the one in the situation. Whatever the reason, I'm glad I heard it, and I thin that made me realize a lot of things after, pertaining to other persons and their issues..

Sometimes we think that we're so great and we do all that we can do for everyone else, and that they should be extremely grateful for what we do. But really, sometimes we fall short in the eyes of our loved ones, sometimes we aren't so great as we think, not that we're completely bad, but just that we're not perfect. Sometimes people have their own demons to fight and they aren't able to praise us for putting a meal on the table and providing the basics necessities, but that doesn't give us the right to assume that they're ungrateful. The world changes everyday, and everyday most of us lose sight, and we focus on ourselves and forget that like us, other persons have issues, as young as they may be, but not because someone doesn't have the same issues or problems like you, that doesn't mean that they are valid. 

Remember that sometimes all we need is a hug, some encouraging words, some I love you's and a cup of tea... Shared responsibility and communication also makes it a whole lot better :).... Lol so remember to keep in mind that sometimes when we think that we show our love by doing the basic things another human requires, sometimes that's not enough, they need to hear it.. I'm sure you do at times... Be the change you want to see in others... It starts within. 

To My Danny with Love..

Hi Danny, how are you?.. I know we haven't been as close as we should be, because I'm really not that much older than you.. I guess it's my fault, because I've never really reached out.. But that's gonna stop from today. I'm here to talk to you, wanted it to be open and honest, and for the World to see that you're loved..

Let me say that you're beautiful, inside and out, always have and always will be, regardless of what anyone may say, and frankly it doesn't really matter what anyone says, because everyone has their faults, so let me say that if someone picks at your flaws, it's only because they're in denial about themselves. But that doesn't mean that you live up to their negative assumptions, live above it, take each negative word that they throw your way, and build yourself higher, at first you may cry about it, be mad about it, but don't ever live up to it, don't stay down, because you were destined for greatness. 

Remember to always keep a good head on your shoulders, yes you're at an age where boys are the best thing out there, but really they aren't. You are priceless, act like it, because you know what? These same guys you meet now, who may want you to go through hell and back to prove to them you care, they're gonna be the same ones you see in the street years from now, doing the same thing they're doing now.. Nothing.. It's happened, to many women before you. You'll grow to realize that the sweet words they say, mean nothing, it's simply a way to get sex, yes you'll have feelings, even fall in love, but keep in mind that it probably won't lasts like you pictured it in your head. Take pride in yourself, know that you're worth something, you're not cheap, don't make yourself affordable to someone who can only buy KFC and give you children. 

Be smart and know that you don't want or need drama in your life, walk away from it, and any guy who brings it to you, doesn't care, don't make excuses, any friend who brings it into your life, leave them behind, they were not a friend to begin with. Any family member who speaks it into your life, rebuke it. You are not negativity... 

Yes you will fall short, but you won't remain there, yes you will want love, and when God is ready he'll send it. And he'll send something that never in a million you thought you would experience. Things may not always go the way you want it too, but it will always go the way it should have. 

Remember you're a child of God, have respect, ask for forgiveness for the wrong you've done, accept your faults, try to improve them, learn to forgive and move on. Everything will fall into place. Just believe it will.. Do positive thing, and positive things will follow, be honest, and if you think that you can't be honest about certain things, then you shouldn't be doing it, lol I've learnt this and so I'm sharing it with you... Let as the months go by, you're the person you really want to be. Not the person you think your friends will like, but the person you're proud to be! 

If ever you feel like you have to choose between actions that your friends will like and actions your family will approve of, choose the latter, it will pay off, you don't have to be lame, but remember that there is a life after school, you will meet people after, you will fall in love, you will go to University and be thrown into a whole different world, and you don't want negative things you did in the past, to follow  you, because they don't stay behind..

So with this being said, I love you, I hoped I touched something in your heart and Remember that I'm always here... Without judgement. 

Not all men are dogs.....

So a lot of females tend to say that all men are dogs, but maybe it's just the guys you go after, and maybe they aren't dogs, maybe they just werent the guys for you, yall were not compatible. Things happen, but remember that you aren't perfect, you have flaws, you fall short, he probably expected certain things from you that you couldn't or didn't give to him, things that he expects or expected his future wif to do, you may be wifey material for some, not everyone! The same goes for a man. He may not be your Prince, but he might be someone else's. 

You aren't the best woman there is,be honest with yourself.

You're black! Accept it

I'm not sure if I ever spoken about this here, but I know that I'm tired of saying it. I'm not sure about countries and cultures, but in my country (Trinidad and Tobago), persons have a way of breaking down everything they're family is mixed with and then claiming that they're mixed.

LISTEN!!!!! Not because your father's father's great grandmother's sister's niece who married Uncle Benny's cousin was french, means that you're mixed with French!!! Get a grip!! If ninety five percent of you is black, then you're black!!!! Embrace it! It;s unique, uplift it, don't fight it!! Damn!!

Learning when to forgive

Sometimes we want to keep someone in our lives so bad, that we  overlook every fault they possess. And some even say 'I don't live in the past" in order to justify why they tolerate and "forget" the wrong done to them. Some may disagree, and some may agree, I get forgiving your partner, because we are humans, and we do make mistakes, but forgiveness and forgetfulness should be given and done when you see promise in your partner, when you see them making an effort to correct their mistake, when they take ownership of the wrong they've done. If you continuously and conveniently forgive and forget because  you want to keep him/her, you're selling yourself short every time. If after so many times of me doing something wrong, and you forgive every time without me even having to say sorry, or maybe you give me the option of saying sorry when I feel like it,while you still stick with me, I'll tell myself you don't think very much of yourself and you need me,that's why you let me do whatever I want.... And you know what? I'll do just that, every time. 

Yes you've put time in,but think of how much time you're going to waste if you don't address and fix your issues. Work on them together, listen, explain and be honest, say when something affects you, but don't say it in a way where you come off as you do everything perfectly, because the truth is we view ourselves differently from what people actually see. Give it a try today :)