Things that can cause your friendship to frizzle

Most times when we're young we think that the friends we have then, would be the friends we have later on in life. Most times we're wrong and here's a list of things that can cause your friendship to end. 

Money

Loaning money to anyone is naturally an issue. One person would worry about when they’re going to get it back, the other party may be bothered by having to borrow it. The lender should be able to say to themselves, “if I don’t get this money back, it’s okay because it’s not worth my friendship.” The borrower in turn, should be thinking, “I really need to pay my friend back. She looked out when I needed her most”. Any other setup, just won’t work. When money is lent and not paid back, it’s typically time to pack it up.

Relationships

She dislikes your boo and doesn’t want to be around him. You’re so in love, you don’t even notice that you two barely talk anymore and she hardly comes over. The thing is, a true friend wouldn’t allow her opinion of your new lover to affect the relationship she has with you. She doesn’t have to be around him, but she can still let you have your moment.  On the low, she’d probably only come around when she knows he’s not there but that’s still cool.  The chances of that really happening are slim though. Why does she hate him so much anyway? It could be all of those fights you told her about. Maybe it was the admittance of your suspicions that he’s cheating. Either way, you can’t tell your friend something and expect her to be as forgiving of him as you may be. Ultimately, your girl will be looking at you funny because she doesn’t comprehend why you’re still with such a jerk. Be cautious of the things you share with regard to your relationship. Every disagreement is not for your girl to hear.

Telling Secrets

As an adult, no one should have to tell their friend to keep a secret. Discretion should be practice without fail. The easiest way to lose a friend is to relinquish information they trusted you with. A simple sorry doesn’t fix that type of disloyalty. Assume that most things told to you shouldn’t be shared. Be like most people, and tell someone else who doesn’t know your friend personally. C’mon now…everybody does that.

Lack of Support

Every time you turn around, your friend has a different plan for her life. First, she wants to be a doctor. Then she wants to be a teacher. Now she wants to be a stripper. If she told you tomorrow that she wanted to be a guidance counselor, you should support her. Support would involve asking her about her process, congratulating her on her goal progression, and encouraging her when she’s feeling off her game. Anything else will feel like the act of a hater, particularly if she’s always been your cheerleader. It won’t take long before your friend doesn’t feel like she matters.

Being Competitive

Yes, imitation is the highest form of flattery. However, it seems like every time you get something, your friend either gets the same item or tries to one up you. When you guys were younger, it was probably pretty cool. Now that you’re all grown up, you don’t want to share your style. It’s important to understand and accept each others individuality. If that aspect of your friendship is not nurtured, prepare to feel stifled, if not utterly irritated.

For the Parents.

So often, parents confuse tough love with regular love. Yes you push a child towards greatness, you give them responsibility to prepare them for the future and you raise them to know nothing in the world is free and it's a hard place. But you also have to remember that life is going to be hard and disapproving of them, it's going to chew them up and spit them out, persons will care about there feelings, so give them all the love you can at home, so that at least they have those memories, and if your parents didn't do it for you, make the extra effort to do it for your children. Yes they disappoint sometimes but that's not always their fault, remember you're the parent, and you do have to take some responsibility for how they grow up, yes they may be influenced but if you instil good qualities in them and show them that you do love them, they'll be on the right track.
DO  NOT assume that your child knows that you love them, do not think that your child knows your "tough love" really means that you love them and you want what's best, do not make the same mistakes your parents did. 
Whilst God protects and all that, DO NOT think that he will raise your child, he had you make him/her for a reason, if there was no real purpose for a parent, we would all be put here as grown ups. or drop from the sky to fend for ourselves, do not give your child all the responsibilities in the damn world because you are lazy, because responsibility makes you feel grown up, makes you think that you are older than you  are, because you have grown up, so when he/ she acts like a grown man/woman, remember that is on you, and when we're grown, we do grown up things. 
Speak to your children, don't be an abuser/Drill Sargent, be a friend and a parent. Listen, be there and show them that you care, form a bond in which your child feels that he/she can come to you with any problem. So many of us lack that, and that's why parents don't have a clue, until it's too late.
Do  not think that by not allowing your child the freedom to go anywhere and hang out with friends, that you  are preventing anything, because really, you're making it worst. I am so sure that you did so many things behind your parents backs because they wouldn't let you, you may regret it now, but it's your mistakes, let your child have theirs, and chances are that they won't be as bad, because you actually allow it. Quit playing like you were perfect, because you weren't. Give them the childhood that you wanted to have.

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Smell the breakup

I say it because I've experienced it, I say it because I know people who have experienced it. We've all been in love and maybe had one or two crazy relationships, but the main thing is for your you to learn and when you've learned something, you share it, you shed light. So that's what I am doing, I'm shedding some light on all of yall, please stop blocking your damn eyes!. 

First of all, why do we as women submit so much to men. Don't go getting your damn panties in a knot an picturing Celie from the Color Purple. I mean submit in a way that, you know what you want(hopefully), you know what you need and what you deserve. He is not giving it to you, and you're good with that, well maybe you aren't and you argue about it, but eventually you just let it go and take whatever bs is dished out. 


Every relationship is considered time and effort invested. But when that's basically all you really have, and that's the reason you continue to hold on, I can almost guarantee that 9/10 times, when it's over, you'll think of it as time wasted. Because it's going to be over, you're just holding onto.........idk.. God alone knows, because I'm sure that you don't even know. Please point me in the direction of one guy who says, this girl treats me like shit and doesn't care etc, but I've already invested so much time and effort that I can't leave her(I'll give you a minute to find one) ....... No guy?? huh that's strange.. Yes he might be there still, "holding on" with you and to you, but it's not because he's invested time, you're sure sex.... smh


Point me in the direction of a guy who says" When the main man cone back,these other guys have to know the timing"....(again I will wait)... Why do females do that?. Do we listen to ourselves?


It's not ok constantly to accept shit and play it off as "he's a man so I should accept that, because that's how men are".. No, that's how good for nothing men are. 


And unless he's slow he does need anything more than a few months to get with the mofo program. Stop making excuses!. Lemme guess, he doesn't know how to be faithful? Or he's not used to being in long term relationships with a girl like you? He's not used to being in a serious relationship. Oh please, you must have been dropped on your head if you believe that mess,or whatever else he throws at you. 


And you know what's funny, chances are when he calls off your relationship, he's going to meet someone, who will not compromise and he'll respect that and give her all the things you weren't getting from him. 


Learn to love you and the person that you are with, enough to realize that maybe you're better off being friends. When you're forcing it, it's not meant to be. Or you can still hold onto...well the slight chance that he may come around eventually.

When It's time to let go

Some couples you would be shocked to see separated. They are great for each other. You know they care about one another and love each other. Others you question constantly, “Why are they still together?” as argument seems to be the center of their relationship and rarely just have a moment of peace. What makes the difference? Some people know how to work things out, while others just don’t know when to walk away. Here’s how you can know when it’s time to walk away:

The issue is never addressed

Some couples never actually fix an issue. They get into an argument. They go to their separate corners and later crawl into bed, or message each other if you don’t live together and say, “I love you” and that’s it. It’s cute, for a moment. But they don’t actually plainly state, “Here is what we are going to do to avoid this issue in the future.” This is a sign of major communication problems. It is delusional to think that time makes a problem go away. Solving the problem makes it go away. If your partner is incapable of tackling an issue, you may have to leave that one. Because as life goes on, issues only get bigger and separate corners won’t be an option.

He never takes blame

It is unbearable to be with someone who is incapable of even seeing that maybe they could be wrong sometimes. It is actually disrespectful to you because they are choosing their own pride over your feelings. Even though they may sometimes know they’ve done something wrong, they would rather let you feel like you are over-reacting or that you are the one in the wrong, than ever swallow their pride and take responsibility. A life with this person is a life of inequality.

He leaves you

Some men know just how to punish a woman and that is by leaving. Some men leave as soon as you bring something up. This type of man makes you feel that you can never bring up anything—you can never share with him when you are upset because you are chastised by being left alone. This is extremely selfish and once again, the man is okay with knowing you are tortured being left alone, so long as he doesn’t have to talk about issues.

You agree to disagree on something big

Some couples are in denial about the fact that a dynamic exists that will inexorably either break them up if not cause regular arguments. There are some issues that you can’t just agree to disagree on. You need to either debate it out until you both agree on it, end it.  Otherwise you will be fighting forever.

He’s not affected

If you and your man get into a huge fight, it affects you. You struggle to focus on work. You are in your own head when around your friends, otherwise the only thing you can talk about with them is your fight with your man. If your man seems completely unaffected by your fight—if he is partying with his friends as usual, walking around with his head held high and acting like he doesn’t have a care in the world—then your relationship is not that significant to him. He should feel it when there is tension. You’re not just an annex to his life. You’re not an acquaintance. You’re his girlfriend/fiancé/wife

He’s hurtful on purpose

Never, ever should a relationship be a competition. If your partner has a criticism for you, he should bring it up because it affects him and the relationship negatively—because he wants the relationship to run smoother. But if your man brings things up just to hurt you, that’s a sick kind of love. If you love someone, you should try to work out bumps in a way that is most pleasant for everyone. Never should your partner take joy in seeing you in pain

The after thought of the breakup

If for no other reason than to divert yourself from pain you experience, think about these things during your post-breakup grief. They will possibly keep you from sending that next “I miss and love you” text that just makes you feel dreadful after.

The breakup before
Talk about your breakup before this one. Explain what the problems were of that relationship, out loud. Now, do the same thing for this most recent one. If you find yourself describing almost the same breakup, with many of the same basic problems, be thankful this recent relationship ended. It was just another one on the list of the wrong (and the same) men you’ve been choosing. You want to be advancing.

10 years down the line
This is something many people fail to think about. Yes, things were good now. You were really happy recently. But, what would life have been like with this person 5, 10, 15 years down the road? Do they handle stress poorly? Life only gets more stressful as you get older. In other words: how would this person have held up as a life partner? It can be a relief, in an odd way, to comprehend that they wouldn’t have handled the realities of life very well.

Does he even care?
You might be aware of all the ways things could have been fixed. You might know that if only this little thing was different, you two would have worked out. But, none of that matters if your ex doesn’t even care to think about those things. Your biggest issue isn’t what you thought it was. It could be that your ex just didn’t care about any of your issues. Fixing things takes two people, and all your energy isn’t going to make someone else care about a problem.

It wasn’t just a fight
If someone breaks up with you, it’s because they decided to give up on you. Regrettably, many people text and call their ex to talk about everything after the breakup, but, that person broke up with you because they did not want all those issues to be their responsibility anymore. Do you think he is hurting like you, or is he out partying? And, do you really want to be with someone who decided that you were not worth working issues out with?.

Sometimes, they know before you do
The worst thing about being left is the simple fact that it is offensive! We see it as, “I wasn’t good enough for him” when we should be looking at it as “we were not right for each other.” If two people are wrong for each other, somebody has to be the first one to realize it. It sucks when the other person realizes it first, but, put your pride aside and ask yourself if maybe your ex just saw the light before you did.

Were you your best?
We often forget ourselves when we just want someone else in our lives. We can become someone we don’t even like, as we mold ourselves to keep another individual around. The reality is, if that individual stopped loving who you were one day and ended things; you may have become someone not even you like. Think about it: are you proud of the way you behaved 90% of the time you were with that person? Or, did you find yourself being petty, mean, insecure, submissive, too needy, or a whole slew of qualities your single self would be ashamed to become?

Don’t question your needs
It’s the best advice I ever received and I give it out as much as possible. When you’re sitting there thinking, “Maybe I pushed him too much”, or “Maybe I got angry too often” or “Maybe I asked too much of him”, know this: don’t question your own thoughts, your own desires, your own needs. There is someone out there who will fulfill them, just as they are. But, if you get in the habit of telling yourself you want less than you want, just to appease a man or fit into a man’s life, you’ll be depriving yourself of the opportunity to meet the man who would make you truly happy. Instead, you’ll attract men who are looking for a doormat.

Don't wait until it's too late

It's not okay to ignore serious matters in your relationship, whether it be infidelity or behavioural issues. I don't know who made it okay to ignore detrimental aspects of a relationship. Or who made it okay to expect anything less than what you give, I really don't know who made it okay to let someone walk all over us. But I am here to say that's it's not okay, and it's far from it. 


It's stupid, and reckless to ignore infidelity, because you put yourself at risk to get everything under the damn sun from an unfaithful partner, who just might think he won't get anything from this chick because she doesn't look like she has anything. It's your right to know, especially if you have unprotected sex with your partner. ASK if you have a suspicion. And yes, most guys will lie, but hopefully you can tell if he's lying, and just to be safe, use some protection, do some digging, or stop the sex, and yes he can go get it elsewhere, but a man who loves and respects you and understands your concerns, will not go anywhere else to get anything. He'll stick it out. 
Do not think that because he may lie, you won't ask, girl that is some 1500 shyt, back in the damn day, do not be stupid!.


Going to the damn moon and back for your man and him only going to the damn store for you is not cool. Some of them don't even want to do that. A relationship should have equality, And it is not "that's just how I am" or "that's just how men are". That is some high grade bs. Any man who loves,cares and respects you, will go beyond and above for you, don't let anybody take advantage of your good nature and affection. Hell, only be willing to go to the damn store for him, see if he don't start acting right when he catches on. But hey, then again, some of these fools are so bold they are going to act as though it's your God given right to be their damn slave. tell him GTFOHWTS(get the f outa here with that shit)


Ladies, please do not ignore important signs in your relationship, all in the name of love!. It will mess you up in the end. You are going to feel like a damn fool. Yes, you love him, yes you're a good person, get with someone who realizes that or talk to him if you feel that he can change and he just doesn't realize that you're really affected by some things in your relationship. Don't take for granted the magical wonders of communication,  because the next thing you know,it's going to be five-twenty years down the line, you've never really had a good relationship, you've never really been shown love and been appreciated, you've given up important experiences for a loser who doesn't care, you had a football team of his babies, and you're stuck in dead end relationship with a truck-full of regrets. It happens, just don't let it happen to you.