The after thought of the breakup

If for no other reason than to divert yourself from pain you experience, think about these things during your post-breakup grief. They will possibly keep you from sending that next “I miss and love you” text that just makes you feel dreadful after.

The breakup before
Talk about your breakup before this one. Explain what the problems were of that relationship, out loud. Now, do the same thing for this most recent one. If you find yourself describing almost the same breakup, with many of the same basic problems, be thankful this recent relationship ended. It was just another one on the list of the wrong (and the same) men you’ve been choosing. You want to be advancing.

10 years down the line
This is something many people fail to think about. Yes, things were good now. You were really happy recently. But, what would life have been like with this person 5, 10, 15 years down the road? Do they handle stress poorly? Life only gets more stressful as you get older. In other words: how would this person have held up as a life partner? It can be a relief, in an odd way, to comprehend that they wouldn’t have handled the realities of life very well.

Does he even care?
You might be aware of all the ways things could have been fixed. You might know that if only this little thing was different, you two would have worked out. But, none of that matters if your ex doesn’t even care to think about those things. Your biggest issue isn’t what you thought it was. It could be that your ex just didn’t care about any of your issues. Fixing things takes two people, and all your energy isn’t going to make someone else care about a problem.

It wasn’t just a fight
If someone breaks up with you, it’s because they decided to give up on you. Regrettably, many people text and call their ex to talk about everything after the breakup, but, that person broke up with you because they did not want all those issues to be their responsibility anymore. Do you think he is hurting like you, or is he out partying? And, do you really want to be with someone who decided that you were not worth working issues out with?.

Sometimes, they know before you do
The worst thing about being left is the simple fact that it is offensive! We see it as, “I wasn’t good enough for him” when we should be looking at it as “we were not right for each other.” If two people are wrong for each other, somebody has to be the first one to realize it. It sucks when the other person realizes it first, but, put your pride aside and ask yourself if maybe your ex just saw the light before you did.

Were you your best?
We often forget ourselves when we just want someone else in our lives. We can become someone we don’t even like, as we mold ourselves to keep another individual around. The reality is, if that individual stopped loving who you were one day and ended things; you may have become someone not even you like. Think about it: are you proud of the way you behaved 90% of the time you were with that person? Or, did you find yourself being petty, mean, insecure, submissive, too needy, or a whole slew of qualities your single self would be ashamed to become?

Don’t question your needs
It’s the best advice I ever received and I give it out as much as possible. When you’re sitting there thinking, “Maybe I pushed him too much”, or “Maybe I got angry too often” or “Maybe I asked too much of him”, know this: don’t question your own thoughts, your own desires, your own needs. There is someone out there who will fulfill them, just as they are. But, if you get in the habit of telling yourself you want less than you want, just to appease a man or fit into a man’s life, you’ll be depriving yourself of the opportunity to meet the man who would make you truly happy. Instead, you’ll attract men who are looking for a doormat.