Please leave me out!

Ok, so I've finally been here, more than enough times, and I think it's about time that I say something. Please leave me out of your relationship drama. I do not want to be apart of your falling out/fight/argument or whatever may happen. It puts your friends and family in an awkward position when you get them involved in your relationships dynamics!. It's a place where no outsider should go. Example

Jack and Jill had an argument, Jill then tells her friends and family about the fight, of course Jill exaggerates, and makes Jack look like he's just an asshole, and she did nothing wrong, or maybe she did something really small which of course she just through in to make her story believable. So now friends and family hearing this, after maybe a lot of fights, come to the conclusion that she should leave Jack alone because he is of no good they advise her on what they think is best(given the information they have received). Jack then tries to clear his name with the said friends and family, and in doing so, has shared information that wasn't heard before. Now they(friends and family) are placed in an awkward position. Should I tell Jill i know this new information?Or should I keep quiet because I don't want to make it worst. Lets look at scenario number one. 
So they inform Jill that Jack has given them the true details of what happened, Jill gets angry at Jack, Jack then gets angry at friends and family for saying anything. That relationship between Jack and family may now be destroyed, because he feels as though he can no longer trust them.(WHEN IN REALITY HE SHOULDN'T HAVE CALLED) Jack apologizes to Jill, they make up. Friends and family are no estranged to the couple, because of what was said. 

Scenario number two: Family and friends withhold the information for fear of making things worst between the couple. Jack and Jill make up, Jack tells Jill he told friends and family certain things, and then Jill becomes enraged that friends and family spoke to Jack and didn't tell her... (NOT FOR ACTUALLY LYING TO THEM)

See? either way it doesn't go well. So before you act like ten year olds, and share your relationship problems with everyone, just to be backed up. Take the time, talk it out, make love and move on. 

If it offends, ask yourself why

Damn I can't stress enough how irritated I get when a female tolerates mess from a guy, doesn't say anything, and then expects something to change. And worst yet, if they involve me in the drama, or tell me of the bs they've experienced, and then, me being who I am, try to help. Only to be ignored. 

I'm not saying start a fight every time, and i'm not saying to leave the one you're with, but when you're unhappy in your relationship, it's always best to speak to your partner about it, rather than a friend. You see, although they may care, and although you need someone to speak too, you become a burden eventually, especially if you do nothing about the situation except complain about the guy. Sometimes guys aren't aware of what they do to offend or hurt you, and other times, they are, but they just don't give an ass. If you know that the guy you've been with has constantly disrespected(doesn't only mean hit/curse),if he's unappreciative, selfish, self absorbed,uncaring, and everything else,chances are he just doesn't give an ass about you, because let's be real here, once or twice is a mistake, three four an five times?? ..... Well I'll let you figure that out. 

I've also come to realize that females tend to forgive a guy who shows you nine out of ten times that he doesn't care, faster than someone else who has done something really insignificant... why though?? Is it the sex?? That shit must be really good... Funny thing is,the people in this type of relationship, don't even realize that they're going nowhere really fast. And are always quick to get defensive when you point out reality to them. I always say, if something I may have said, offends you, ask yourself why, instead of getting angry at me.... 

Ways to make things better

Fighting in a relationship can be extremely draining. Any amount of tension seems to be felt ten times as much as it is with a friend or family member. That could be because sex is involved…Either way, you don’t want to make that feeling even worse, and you don’t want to prolong it.

So here are some tips to avoid this…

Joke about it

Once a fight is over, it's over. Don’t make passive aggressive comments about something your guy/girl did wrong after you’ve made up. Don’t bring up the thing he did to piss you off as a story to entertain your friends or family. You may not be meaning to actually fight about it again, but pretty much any manner in which you bring it up will stir up tension again.

Stacking things up

Don’t wait until your guy/girl has done something wrong a number of times before yelling “you always do this!” He didn’t realize he always did this! He didn’t realize that this was a problem at all. But if you let him do it multiple times before you bring it up, he has to deal with multiple times the wrath. The first time he does it, say something. Don't be so afraid to lose a guy that you tolerate and tolerate until you blow up, because by then it will be too late to fix anything and your worst nightmare will become a reality.

Confronting at the wrong time

Don’t be that couple who makes others uncomfortable by arguing in public. On a double date with your best friends, or at dinner with your parents, or even just standing in line at the grocery store is not the best place to bring an issue up for the first time. Then, your man has to deal with the added stress of being watched while he tries to dig himself out of a hole.

Holding it in

It’s healthier to expose how something makes you feel—even if that means using some harsh words—than to cover it up. And, come on, he’s a man. He will appreciate that straight-forwardness because in general, that is how men talk with their friends. 

Turning it outward

He doesn’t need to know that whatever it is he did made him look like an idiot, or proved that he is a complete a**hole. All he needs to know is how it made you feel. The fight shouldn’t be about making him feel bad, it should be about making you feel better.

Bringing someone else into it

Do not tell him that your mom, your brother, his'your best friend and all of your friends “totally agree with me on this.” And that they all think he is selfish, ignorant, insensitive or x, y, z just like you do. You don’t need their opinion to back you up. It will just annoy the hell out of your guy that you’ve been talking about him behind his back, and if he cares enough about you, all he needs to know is what you think of him. Not what the town thinks

Talking down to him

Don’t use a sarcastic tone. Don’t sit him down, hold his hand and talk slowly as if you’re instructing a kindergartener. Being put in that sort of position really aggravates a man. Say what you have to say matter of factly. Look him square in the eye. Don’t beat around the bush or use metaphors.

It's so much better to work on a problem as it arises. Don't put it off or run away from it. That only makes matters worst 

STOP THE INSANITY

Only utter bs can stop me from going to sleep. So I'm here to express my thoughts on this crazy stupid matter. 
Ladies, Ladies, Ladies, Ladies!!! Get your shit together!!. 
If the man you are with does not treat you right, not spectacular, extraordinary or amazing, but just right, then something is wrong!. You're not asking for houses, diamonds, cars or anything of the sort,  just a little love and appreciation, and you can't get it, then something is WRONG!. 


For the females who aren't even in a relationship, yet have all the problems of someone who does and some, yall are stupid. And yes the rest of the world perceives you as such, so saying "I'm not an ass" or "No one can take me for an ass" is honestly, false advertising. Someone is taking you for a ride... Like an ass, without the commitment. And I bet he has a gf... urghh Stupid! You should be worth enough that someone will be willing to commit to you. If not, you're selling yourself short, get yo ass off the sales rack!!!. Don't put yourself there and then expect to be treated like Couture.

For those of yall in relationships. If you're partner isn't acting right by you, then no amount of tweets, pictures, or statuses can make him change!!! STOP IT RIGHT NOW!!! COMMUNICATE!! lay it all on the table and fix the problems, sort them out and find solutions, and if nun can be fixed, come to the realization that it wasn't meant to be. Because, the more pictures, statues and UNAVAILABLE statuses, isn't going to stop the same thing from happening. If you're sitting there hoping that one day he'll care enough to ask what's wrong, or your statuses, or pics will make a light bulb go off in his head, then you're wasting precious time that you will NEVER get back. 


PLEASE LEARN TO COMMUNICATE!!!!!!

No Grey area.. It's wrong!

Cheating doesn’t just start at someone’s lips and end in their pants. Cheating describes anything you do with someone that you wouldn’t want your partner to know about. So many people engage in sketchy behavior and say, “It’s not technically cheating.” Oh yeah? Then why don’t you call up your partner and tell them in detail what you did? No? Don’t want to do that? Exactly. If you really love someone, your mentality shouldn’t be, “What can I get away with?” It should be, “I want to be super conscious that I don’t even accidentally find myself in a situation that would hurt my partner.” And, all of these situations would.

Pondering about what could have been

Sometimes someone from the past drops into your life—someone who you almost got with, or who there was always sexual tension with. They start running in the same social circles as you. But now, you’re taken. It’s immature but sometimes those people will try to engage you in conversations that start with something like, “It’s a shame we never got together.” It’s always flattering—yes. But, how would your partner like to know that you replied to that with, “I know. I was always so attracted to you.” How would you like to stumble across a little instant message chat between your partner and someone else that looked like that? If somebody from the past tries to get you into a chat like that, you should immediately say, “Well, I’m honestly really happy with the person I’m with now.”

Your friendship is based on sexual tension

No one will ever admit when they have a friendship like this. You might be in a happy relationship but, you have one single male friend who, you know, if he got into a relationship, you wouldn’t be friends with anymore. What does that say? That what’s holding that BS “friendship” together is the possibility of “what if?” a likelihood that vanishes if you are both taken. If you know you’d be envious to see one of your male friends with another female, you either need to end that friendship or end your relationship, because clearly you’re not 100% committed to or realistic about either.

A friend who likes you

Do you have a friend who is in love with you? He blatantly says things like, “I’m going to try to steal you from your man” or sends you texts saying, “I’m thinking about you…” Not only is it completely unfair to your partner for you to keep someone like this in your life, but why are you keeping that friend around? Simple: you want attention. You need attention. It’s more important to you than being faithful and yes, if you’re indulging that sort of attention from another man, you’re being emotionally unfaithful. If you do anything short of telling that person they’ve got to get out of your life, then you’re indulging a deep and dark desire for attention. It is your responsibility to make that behavior stop. And, it’s yours because you’re the one who has the power to hurt your boyfriend’s feelings. Your lovesick friend isn’t responsible to anyone’s feelings. He’s single.

Don’t ask, don’t tell

This goes back to the need for attention issue. If you’re ever in a situation where clearly someone is entertaining the idea of hitting on you or trying to hook up with you, and you do not tell him you’re in a relationship, something’s wrong in that head of yours. If you’re out with a group of single girlfriends and you meet a group of single males, who you end up spending most of the night with—fine. But, if your 3 girls are hitting it off with 3 of the guys, and the 4^th one is eagerly sticking by your side, how would your boyfriend like to know that you never told him you were in a relationship? How would he like to know that you let this guy believe all night he was earning brownie points towards sleeping with you? How would you like if the reverse happened? The excuse, “He didn’t ask, so I didn’t tell him I had a boyfriend” doesn’t fly. What would the harm be in telling him? Oh yeah. You wouldn’t get attention anymore.

He has a girlfriend/wife

Sometimes a man just doesn’t know what he wants. He’s got a girlfriend. He also wants you. You really want him. Instead of being strong and walking away, you allow yourself to engage in what you believe is a “gray area.” You get late night drinks with this guy and have deep conversations that the girlfriend never knows about. You never touch. But, you are both 100% aware of and communicative about the fact you’re attracted to each other. But, you never touch, so it’s okay—right? WRONG. How would you like to be that guy’s girlfriend? Honestly, you’re just letting a selfish and immature guy have his cake and eat it too by engaging in this type of behavior. You’re carrying on an emotional affair.

CHILD PLEASE, if you’re already having to say things like, “He started it” “I’m not doing anything” or anything of the sort you know you’re engaging in something wrong. People have a tendency to start or continue things, and when the party is ready to move forward, they are afraid to commit to them, for the fear of losing what they have.  YOU can always take responsibility and stop it. The fact that YOU are not doing anything might be the problem—you could block that phone number, ignore those texts and tell someone to go away.

Awful Reasons to stay

We’ve all been in that relationship before where our friends, family and coworkers wonder why you’re still in. Sure, it started out great, with all of the thrill and fireworks of new and exciting love. He chased you, won your heart and told you everything you wanted to hear; he made you feel so beautiful, so alive, so wanted.

But, bit by bit, things started to change. There were fights, hurt feelings and things that were said that shouldn’t be said to anyone. There were also scars that couldn’t heal and there may have been infidelity. It just keeps getting worse. Of course, there were also apologies and the highly dramatic make-ups that seemed like the only thing that brought you close to that original excitement that you now wanted to get back to so badly … but you could never quite get there. So, you settled for the break-up and make-up rollercoaster ride to fill the emotional void that was ever widening.

Ultimately you find yourself submissive to a constant feeling of depression, which — when coupled with a lack of communication and support — leads to a life that’s just utterly lacking in love. But, still, you can’t let go.What is it that forces us to stay in relationships that aren’t good for us? There are many reasons, but more often than not, it’s a combination of several motivations. The first step towards making your situation better is in understanding why you’re making the choices you’re making to begin with. 

1. You're afraid you're getting old. You're afraid if you leave, you'll feel desperate to find someone else quickly because you think you're running out of time. You may also feel that if you can just make this work it will be much better than having to start all over again with someone new or you may feel the pressure of your biological clock ticking. Bad relationships don't get better with age.

2. You're afraid of being lonely. This is one of the most common reasons for staying in a relationship that's just not working. You may have very clear memories of how alone you felt on those long lonely Saturday nights when you had no plans and nobody to be with. As much as we all long for someone to share the beautiful, special moments in life with, as well as someone to be intimate with, being with the wrong person just for the sake of avoiding being alone will ultimately lead to more pain and sadness than the pain of loneliness.

3. You're stuck in the fairytale. It started out as such a storybook romance. He was the knight in shining armor, you the damsel in distress. Or, it was such a fateful, romantic chance meeting that brought the two of you together that you just know it was destiny, and you'll do whatever it takes to fulfill that destiny. But, the reality is something more like this: he was charming in the beginning, you had some great chemistry, but you're not really compatible in your goals, values, or beliefs. It's time to let go of the fairytale and see it for what it really is: a bad match. 

4. You feel guilty about the idea of leaving him. You want to get out, and you know it's not healthy for either of you, but you know he'll be devastated and you don't want to hurt him. You may also feel that if you leave him, he won’t be able to find another woman who will care for him, and he'll fall into a depression.

5. You're feeling pressure from family or friends. You know he's not the right guy for you, but your family likes him so much and you just don't want to upset them. Or, all of your siblings and most of your friends are married already, and everyone's questioning when you're going to settle down, asking you "when's the wedding?" 

6. It's easy. The relationship is not great, and certainly not what you always wanted, but it fits in your comfort zone, and you're afraid of change. He's not the worst partner, and who knows if you'll find anything better; as the saying goes, the devil you know is better than the devil you don't know. Trust in your heart that when you learn how to find and choose the kind of guy that's right for you, change will be good.

7. You're afraid that no one else will want you. You're afraid you won't be chosen by anyone else, so you stick with what you've got. This one is all too common, and is due to low self-confidence and low self-esteem. The good news is that it's fixable, and you can have fun in the process. By trying new things, learning new skills, and finding out what makes you happy, you will build up your confidence levels. Finally, your self-esteem will automatically rise with it.

No Super Power

Hi guys :).. So I have this to say..
Ladies when you're in a relationship, please remember that when you have a problem with something your partner does, you need to voice it, instead of reacting to something, that he may not be aware that he is doing. Men aren't psychics, they won't know why you're upset, grow up and do you both a favor, and say what's on your mind, so that you can fix it.