Things that can cause your friendship to frizzle

Most times when we're young we think that the friends we have then, would be the friends we have later on in life. Most times we're wrong and here's a list of things that can cause your friendship to end. 

Money

Loaning money to anyone is naturally an issue. One person would worry about when they’re going to get it back, the other party may be bothered by having to borrow it. The lender should be able to say to themselves, “if I don’t get this money back, it’s okay because it’s not worth my friendship.” The borrower in turn, should be thinking, “I really need to pay my friend back. She looked out when I needed her most”. Any other setup, just won’t work. When money is lent and not paid back, it’s typically time to pack it up.

Relationships

She dislikes your boo and doesn’t want to be around him. You’re so in love, you don’t even notice that you two barely talk anymore and she hardly comes over. The thing is, a true friend wouldn’t allow her opinion of your new lover to affect the relationship she has with you. She doesn’t have to be around him, but she can still let you have your moment.  On the low, she’d probably only come around when she knows he’s not there but that’s still cool.  The chances of that really happening are slim though. Why does she hate him so much anyway? It could be all of those fights you told her about. Maybe it was the admittance of your suspicions that he’s cheating. Either way, you can’t tell your friend something and expect her to be as forgiving of him as you may be. Ultimately, your girl will be looking at you funny because she doesn’t comprehend why you’re still with such a jerk. Be cautious of the things you share with regard to your relationship. Every disagreement is not for your girl to hear.

Telling Secrets

As an adult, no one should have to tell their friend to keep a secret. Discretion should be practice without fail. The easiest way to lose a friend is to relinquish information they trusted you with. A simple sorry doesn’t fix that type of disloyalty. Assume that most things told to you shouldn’t be shared. Be like most people, and tell someone else who doesn’t know your friend personally. C’mon now…everybody does that.

Lack of Support

Every time you turn around, your friend has a different plan for her life. First, she wants to be a doctor. Then she wants to be a teacher. Now she wants to be a stripper. If she told you tomorrow that she wanted to be a guidance counselor, you should support her. Support would involve asking her about her process, congratulating her on her goal progression, and encouraging her when she’s feeling off her game. Anything else will feel like the act of a hater, particularly if she’s always been your cheerleader. It won’t take long before your friend doesn’t feel like she matters.

Being Competitive

Yes, imitation is the highest form of flattery. However, it seems like every time you get something, your friend either gets the same item or tries to one up you. When you guys were younger, it was probably pretty cool. Now that you’re all grown up, you don’t want to share your style. It’s important to understand and accept each others individuality. If that aspect of your friendship is not nurtured, prepare to feel stifled, if not utterly irritated.

For the Parents.

So often, parents confuse tough love with regular love. Yes you push a child towards greatness, you give them responsibility to prepare them for the future and you raise them to know nothing in the world is free and it's a hard place. But you also have to remember that life is going to be hard and disapproving of them, it's going to chew them up and spit them out, persons will care about there feelings, so give them all the love you can at home, so that at least they have those memories, and if your parents didn't do it for you, make the extra effort to do it for your children. Yes they disappoint sometimes but that's not always their fault, remember you're the parent, and you do have to take some responsibility for how they grow up, yes they may be influenced but if you instil good qualities in them and show them that you do love them, they'll be on the right track.
DO  NOT assume that your child knows that you love them, do not think that your child knows your "tough love" really means that you love them and you want what's best, do not make the same mistakes your parents did. 
Whilst God protects and all that, DO NOT think that he will raise your child, he had you make him/her for a reason, if there was no real purpose for a parent, we would all be put here as grown ups. or drop from the sky to fend for ourselves, do not give your child all the responsibilities in the damn world because you are lazy, because responsibility makes you feel grown up, makes you think that you are older than you  are, because you have grown up, so when he/ she acts like a grown man/woman, remember that is on you, and when we're grown, we do grown up things. 
Speak to your children, don't be an abuser/Drill Sargent, be a friend and a parent. Listen, be there and show them that you care, form a bond in which your child feels that he/she can come to you with any problem. So many of us lack that, and that's why parents don't have a clue, until it's too late.
Do  not think that by not allowing your child the freedom to go anywhere and hang out with friends, that you  are preventing anything, because really, you're making it worst. I am so sure that you did so many things behind your parents backs because they wouldn't let you, you may regret it now, but it's your mistakes, let your child have theirs, and chances are that they won't be as bad, because you actually allow it. Quit playing like you were perfect, because you weren't. Give them the childhood that you wanted to have.

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Smell the breakup

I say it because I've experienced it, I say it because I know people who have experienced it. We've all been in love and maybe had one or two crazy relationships, but the main thing is for your you to learn and when you've learned something, you share it, you shed light. So that's what I am doing, I'm shedding some light on all of yall, please stop blocking your damn eyes!. 

First of all, why do we as women submit so much to men. Don't go getting your damn panties in a knot an picturing Celie from the Color Purple. I mean submit in a way that, you know what you want(hopefully), you know what you need and what you deserve. He is not giving it to you, and you're good with that, well maybe you aren't and you argue about it, but eventually you just let it go and take whatever bs is dished out. 


Every relationship is considered time and effort invested. But when that's basically all you really have, and that's the reason you continue to hold on, I can almost guarantee that 9/10 times, when it's over, you'll think of it as time wasted. Because it's going to be over, you're just holding onto.........idk.. God alone knows, because I'm sure that you don't even know. Please point me in the direction of one guy who says, this girl treats me like shit and doesn't care etc, but I've already invested so much time and effort that I can't leave her(I'll give you a minute to find one) ....... No guy?? huh that's strange.. Yes he might be there still, "holding on" with you and to you, but it's not because he's invested time, you're sure sex.... smh


Point me in the direction of a guy who says" When the main man cone back,these other guys have to know the timing"....(again I will wait)... Why do females do that?. Do we listen to ourselves?


It's not ok constantly to accept shit and play it off as "he's a man so I should accept that, because that's how men are".. No, that's how good for nothing men are. 


And unless he's slow he does need anything more than a few months to get with the mofo program. Stop making excuses!. Lemme guess, he doesn't know how to be faithful? Or he's not used to being in long term relationships with a girl like you? He's not used to being in a serious relationship. Oh please, you must have been dropped on your head if you believe that mess,or whatever else he throws at you. 


And you know what's funny, chances are when he calls off your relationship, he's going to meet someone, who will not compromise and he'll respect that and give her all the things you weren't getting from him. 


Learn to love you and the person that you are with, enough to realize that maybe you're better off being friends. When you're forcing it, it's not meant to be. Or you can still hold onto...well the slight chance that he may come around eventually.

When It's time to let go

Some couples you would be shocked to see separated. They are great for each other. You know they care about one another and love each other. Others you question constantly, “Why are they still together?” as argument seems to be the center of their relationship and rarely just have a moment of peace. What makes the difference? Some people know how to work things out, while others just don’t know when to walk away. Here’s how you can know when it’s time to walk away:

The issue is never addressed

Some couples never actually fix an issue. They get into an argument. They go to their separate corners and later crawl into bed, or message each other if you don’t live together and say, “I love you” and that’s it. It’s cute, for a moment. But they don’t actually plainly state, “Here is what we are going to do to avoid this issue in the future.” This is a sign of major communication problems. It is delusional to think that time makes a problem go away. Solving the problem makes it go away. If your partner is incapable of tackling an issue, you may have to leave that one. Because as life goes on, issues only get bigger and separate corners won’t be an option.

He never takes blame

It is unbearable to be with someone who is incapable of even seeing that maybe they could be wrong sometimes. It is actually disrespectful to you because they are choosing their own pride over your feelings. Even though they may sometimes know they’ve done something wrong, they would rather let you feel like you are over-reacting or that you are the one in the wrong, than ever swallow their pride and take responsibility. A life with this person is a life of inequality.

He leaves you

Some men know just how to punish a woman and that is by leaving. Some men leave as soon as you bring something up. This type of man makes you feel that you can never bring up anything—you can never share with him when you are upset because you are chastised by being left alone. This is extremely selfish and once again, the man is okay with knowing you are tortured being left alone, so long as he doesn’t have to talk about issues.

You agree to disagree on something big

Some couples are in denial about the fact that a dynamic exists that will inexorably either break them up if not cause regular arguments. There are some issues that you can’t just agree to disagree on. You need to either debate it out until you both agree on it, end it.  Otherwise you will be fighting forever.

He’s not affected

If you and your man get into a huge fight, it affects you. You struggle to focus on work. You are in your own head when around your friends, otherwise the only thing you can talk about with them is your fight with your man. If your man seems completely unaffected by your fight—if he is partying with his friends as usual, walking around with his head held high and acting like he doesn’t have a care in the world—then your relationship is not that significant to him. He should feel it when there is tension. You’re not just an annex to his life. You’re not an acquaintance. You’re his girlfriend/fiancé/wife

He’s hurtful on purpose

Never, ever should a relationship be a competition. If your partner has a criticism for you, he should bring it up because it affects him and the relationship negatively—because he wants the relationship to run smoother. But if your man brings things up just to hurt you, that’s a sick kind of love. If you love someone, you should try to work out bumps in a way that is most pleasant for everyone. Never should your partner take joy in seeing you in pain

The after thought of the breakup

If for no other reason than to divert yourself from pain you experience, think about these things during your post-breakup grief. They will possibly keep you from sending that next “I miss and love you” text that just makes you feel dreadful after.

The breakup before
Talk about your breakup before this one. Explain what the problems were of that relationship, out loud. Now, do the same thing for this most recent one. If you find yourself describing almost the same breakup, with many of the same basic problems, be thankful this recent relationship ended. It was just another one on the list of the wrong (and the same) men you’ve been choosing. You want to be advancing.

10 years down the line
This is something many people fail to think about. Yes, things were good now. You were really happy recently. But, what would life have been like with this person 5, 10, 15 years down the road? Do they handle stress poorly? Life only gets more stressful as you get older. In other words: how would this person have held up as a life partner? It can be a relief, in an odd way, to comprehend that they wouldn’t have handled the realities of life very well.

Does he even care?
You might be aware of all the ways things could have been fixed. You might know that if only this little thing was different, you two would have worked out. But, none of that matters if your ex doesn’t even care to think about those things. Your biggest issue isn’t what you thought it was. It could be that your ex just didn’t care about any of your issues. Fixing things takes two people, and all your energy isn’t going to make someone else care about a problem.

It wasn’t just a fight
If someone breaks up with you, it’s because they decided to give up on you. Regrettably, many people text and call their ex to talk about everything after the breakup, but, that person broke up with you because they did not want all those issues to be their responsibility anymore. Do you think he is hurting like you, or is he out partying? And, do you really want to be with someone who decided that you were not worth working issues out with?.

Sometimes, they know before you do
The worst thing about being left is the simple fact that it is offensive! We see it as, “I wasn’t good enough for him” when we should be looking at it as “we were not right for each other.” If two people are wrong for each other, somebody has to be the first one to realize it. It sucks when the other person realizes it first, but, put your pride aside and ask yourself if maybe your ex just saw the light before you did.

Were you your best?
We often forget ourselves when we just want someone else in our lives. We can become someone we don’t even like, as we mold ourselves to keep another individual around. The reality is, if that individual stopped loving who you were one day and ended things; you may have become someone not even you like. Think about it: are you proud of the way you behaved 90% of the time you were with that person? Or, did you find yourself being petty, mean, insecure, submissive, too needy, or a whole slew of qualities your single self would be ashamed to become?

Don’t question your needs
It’s the best advice I ever received and I give it out as much as possible. When you’re sitting there thinking, “Maybe I pushed him too much”, or “Maybe I got angry too often” or “Maybe I asked too much of him”, know this: don’t question your own thoughts, your own desires, your own needs. There is someone out there who will fulfill them, just as they are. But, if you get in the habit of telling yourself you want less than you want, just to appease a man or fit into a man’s life, you’ll be depriving yourself of the opportunity to meet the man who would make you truly happy. Instead, you’ll attract men who are looking for a doormat.

Don't wait until it's too late

It's not okay to ignore serious matters in your relationship, whether it be infidelity or behavioural issues. I don't know who made it okay to ignore detrimental aspects of a relationship. Or who made it okay to expect anything less than what you give, I really don't know who made it okay to let someone walk all over us. But I am here to say that's it's not okay, and it's far from it. 


It's stupid, and reckless to ignore infidelity, because you put yourself at risk to get everything under the damn sun from an unfaithful partner, who just might think he won't get anything from this chick because she doesn't look like she has anything. It's your right to know, especially if you have unprotected sex with your partner. ASK if you have a suspicion. And yes, most guys will lie, but hopefully you can tell if he's lying, and just to be safe, use some protection, do some digging, or stop the sex, and yes he can go get it elsewhere, but a man who loves and respects you and understands your concerns, will not go anywhere else to get anything. He'll stick it out. 
Do not think that because he may lie, you won't ask, girl that is some 1500 shyt, back in the damn day, do not be stupid!.


Going to the damn moon and back for your man and him only going to the damn store for you is not cool. Some of them don't even want to do that. A relationship should have equality, And it is not "that's just how I am" or "that's just how men are". That is some high grade bs. Any man who loves,cares and respects you, will go beyond and above for you, don't let anybody take advantage of your good nature and affection. Hell, only be willing to go to the damn store for him, see if he don't start acting right when he catches on. But hey, then again, some of these fools are so bold they are going to act as though it's your God given right to be their damn slave. tell him GTFOHWTS(get the f outa here with that shit)


Ladies, please do not ignore important signs in your relationship, all in the name of love!. It will mess you up in the end. You are going to feel like a damn fool. Yes, you love him, yes you're a good person, get with someone who realizes that or talk to him if you feel that he can change and he just doesn't realize that you're really affected by some things in your relationship. Don't take for granted the magical wonders of communication,  because the next thing you know,it's going to be five-twenty years down the line, you've never really had a good relationship, you've never really been shown love and been appreciated, you've given up important experiences for a loser who doesn't care, you had a football team of his babies, and you're stuck in dead end relationship with a truck-full of regrets. It happens, just don't let it happen to you. 

Truth from a man

Relationships are hard! Women voice their concerns on a regular basis, leaving men with the option but to conform. Well, the men have also voiced their opinions ladies. We’re not the only one’s having issues with what’s going on. They’re just as exasperated with us as we are with them.

See what they have to say

Repetition

Yes, you’ve had the same argument over and over. Yes, he is aware of how you feel about the subject but none of that matters because you keep asking him over and over. He’s given you the same answer to that question the first few times it’s happened. He’s now tired of recapping himself. You obviously don’t like the answer he’s giving you and he unquestionably hates that you’re inquiring again. This is why he lies. His first few unswerving responses didn’t suit, so now it’s time to make up an alternative. He’ll do whatever it takes to shut you up.

Women Claim to Want the Truth

In his eyes, if he told you the uncompromising truth every single time, you’d be disgusted. The truth is, he wishes that you would stop probing questions that you really don’t want the answer to. He spends time modifying words and sentences to account for your sensitivity. You’d be crying on a regular basis if he said what he felt, particularly during a disagreement. If only he could truly let it all hang out.

Prying

Although a women’s intuition is something you think comes from a higher place, he would undeniably beg to differ. In his opinion, you’re just snooping. If you truly trusted him, you wouldn’t be looking, intuition or not.  He doesn’t care what you say. No man wants to live with a CSI investigator. It’s not what he signed up for. If he checked up on you frequently, you wouldn’t like that kind of invasion. He warrants the same privacy he gives you

.

Negatively Talking About His Friends

You have your friends and he has his. The fact that you think his childhood friend is a complete bum, should be kept to yourself. The same way you love and defend your friends, he will too. They were friends before you entered the picture and will continue to be friends, should your relationship come to an unforeseen end. In spite of what you accept as true, men do understand loyalty.

Heart-to-heart Time

You have something to say and yes he may like to hear it but not if you’re doing it during the game. It’s his entertainment /relaxing time. He doesn’t bother you while you’re chatting on the phone with your girls, while watching Basketball Wives. By the way, talking while he’s on his way to sleep isn’t the best opening either. Talk time seems to occur at a lot of the in times. Yes, he may even just be dodging you but, “we need to talk”, is girl code for “you did something wrong and now you need to change”.  He feels like the talk is always going to be about something he needs to do.

Nagging

No man constantly wants to hear about his inadequacies. He heard what you said and he’s working on changing. It’s not an overnight process. Why must you persistently repeat the same thing? He’s feeling bad enough about the situation. There is nothing else you’re going to say that will drive the point home any more than you already have.

Restricting his sex

Some prefer massage. Others may light it up or drink. Everything in the world is just fine while he’s having relations with you. However, when “happy hour” is rationed, it becomes frustrating. He already has to wait until you allow it to transpire. First, he gave in to idea of foreplay. Now, he has to wait for you to give the ok that foreplay can be attempted. Here he his now, wondering if women don’t have needs as well. Now you’re holding his favorite body part captive. He can’t catch a break.

Facebook and You

What NOT to do with your relationship in an online world.
Before you read on, you should know I adore and I detest Facebook. Here are some quick tips for you to remember on how to keep your relationship more offline and healthier. It all starts with boundaries.

• Don't fight. This is awkward. Really. When I see two friends go at each other, even if it is short sarcastic remarks, you still can get a sense that there is more to it than just joking. Not fighting on your Facebook page isn't just about keeping others from feeling uncomfortable. That is secondary to the most important issue - that isn't fair fighting. Fighting online may feel safer but that is because you aren't forced to look at each other and be vulnerable. It is a way to avoid the intensity. Avoidance doesn't resolve the issue. What I don't see after my friends fight online is the fight that occurs at home and then the resolution to the fight. I am left wondering "are they getting along now?" "Should I say something?"

• Nice pictures please. The risqué photos of your partner and then the comments about how awesome she was in bed last night - another thing that nobody wants to see. Be aware of how you are portraying your relationship to the world. People can copy and save your pictures from Facebook with ease. Do you want that picture shared with everyone - including your mother? Intimacy is an important part of any relationship. Having fun with your intimacy is also important. But sharing the intimate details of your relationship has the opposite effect and can leave a lasting impression on others.

• Watch your tagging. You know when you go to a party and tag who you are with, respect if your partner wants to be tagged or not. We all have different values of privacy so check with your partner and see if it is okay with them first. Maybe you are dating but haven't shared it to everyone yet. That's cool, but, then don't tag each other in everything you are doing if you want to keep it private.

• Relationship Status Updates. If you don’t want to be asked about your relationship, stop putting the status on your profile. You don’t even have to fill that out. I once saw a couple, married, break up and get back together and then go to “its complicated” several times over the course of a few months. I asked one of the people about the status and their response “oh I don’t want to talk about it. “ Really? You don’t want to talk about it but you want everyone to see it? Sometimes people put this on their profile as a way to dig at their partner (see the above on not fighting).

• Flirt offline. It can be fun to flirt on your partners’ profile. But don’t let it stop there! It is even more meaningful and lasting to have fun in person, to show love and affection, instead of just in the virtual world where you are safe and it is harder to feel rejected.

• Password Protection. This is a choice, but consider having boundaries with your passwords. Depending on the level of commitment in your relationship, it may not be wise to share your password with your partner. Technology security is important and often people use the same passwords for multiple accounts (not you right?) Giving your password out could be giving them access to your bank accounts and other information. If you are newly dating or on the rocks, reconsider how much access you want the person to have.

• End it for good. If you break up and it is tough, unfriend and block your ex. Checking on them repeatedly will only add to your suffering. I heard a philosopher once say that if aliens were to come down and study humans by reading Facebook, they would be given a very distorted perception of reality. Remember this when it comes to relationships, beginning and ending.
If you are going to end something in reality, end it virtually as well. For some couples that isn’t possible and I have seen divorced couples stay friend online because they have kids and want to share what is happening with their children when the other parent isn’t there. That is great! But, if that isn’t you, then set a boundary and limit how painful this has to be for you.

Deal Breakers

In the beginning of any courtship, everyone shows up wearing their finest mask and putting forth their best foot. We all can agree that we have found ourselves attracted to someone of the opposite sex who appeared to be perfect on paper until we discovered a little more about him or her that was a complete turn off. We could list a number of deal-breakers that can be a killjoy to a new relationship, but below you will find some of the top four that will shut down the fireworks of any new encounter.

1. Dishonesty

The discovery that a person is not who they say they are is the number one deal breaker. Distrust from the start is a shot in the heart to any potential love encounter. 

2. Curses too much

There is nothing worse than to be on a date with a man who has no respect for the fact that he is in the presence of a lady and should conduct himself as a gentleman. 

If a man doesn't have enough self-control to express himself without using curse words in the presence of a lady, then it sends the message that there may be other areas where he lacks self-control. If a man has a potty mouth, his name and number are an immediate deletion from my roller deck!

3. Cannot speak clear English

There is nothing more disappointing than to meet an attractive man in public or online — and who may even appear to be great on paper — until he opens his mouth and it feels like you are back in 'English Literature 101' wondering if he ever passed the class or what farm did he grow up on. If I have to spend the entire time during a conversation with him saying "huh?" or asking him to repeat himself, this relationship is a no go from the start.

4. Insecure or overly possessive

Relationships are suppose to feel good and enhance your life, not feel like a prison sentence. It doesn't matter how attractive, rich or smart someone is. If they are so insecure with who they are, that they are so afraid of losing you, that they smother you to death, the relationships is dead before it has a chance to grow. Life is too short to have to deal with someone with insecurity issues and who uses control in order to appease those issues. I recommend that you do not past Go or Collect $100 dollars, but instead, head right out of dodge on this one!

Put the blame where the blame belongs

It takes two hands to clap...and two to cheat, yet some women solely blame the other woman when an infidelity has been discovered. After all, the lion’s share of the blame should be on the betrayer, the one who is actually in the relationship, right....?  And although the other woman bares some responsibility as well, especially if she knew the man was married or in a relationship, it can be argued that she doesn’t deserve the majority of it. So why do we sometimes feel the need to blame the other woman for a man’s cheating ways?

1. Denial

The main reason a woman might blame the OTHER woman for her man’s infidelity is simple – it’s just easier to deal with. While a woman may have known that something was wrong for a long time, no one wants to believe that their partner COULD or WOULD cheat on her. We believe that he loves us, so blaming the other woman is easier than actually acknowledging that something is wrong with the relationship. In our minds, she had to have seduced him or made the first move. Most women see cheating as a form of rejection, and since no one wants to be rejected by their partner, it’s easier to focus all of the pain and anger on HER rather than on him and a bad relationship.

2. Feeling Betrayed as a female

While most men have an “every man for himself” attitude, most women feel like they’re part of an unspoken sorority of females who should always be on the same “team.” So when we learn that another woman has deliberately broken that female bond, we feel betrayed. Most women assume, or even expect, a man to cheat – because they think it’s just in their nature. But we feel women are supposed to be “better than that” and know better. We believe that if all women lived by “the code,” men would have no one to cheat WITH – when in reality, if he didn’t cheat with her, it would have just been a DIFFERENT woman.

3. Easier to Confront a Woman

Some women find it easier to confront a woman than to confront a man, especially if she’s afraid of him. If the man has a history of violent or abusive behavior, and a woman discovers that he has cheated, rather than confront him out of fear, she simply confronts the other woman hoping the outcome will be less volatile. Also, some men have a history of infidelity, and his wife or girlfriend knows he’ll never change – so the wife simply chases his other women around letting them know that she’s on to them and hopes that they’ll leave him alone so she doesn’t have to confront him herself. 

4. She Doesn’t Want to “Lose”

Whenever a woman discovers that she’s been cheated on, many emotions come to the forefront, mainly one of feeling inadequate, as if she’s done something wrong. We wonder what he sees in “her” – is she prettier, funnier, smarter…better? If his woman confronts him and he says the other woman meant nothing to him and he doesn’t want her, the woman then feels free to blame the other woman because she somehow feels like she “won” and got to keep her man. Even though the one who did the cheating is no prize, some women have a spirit of competition when it comes to other women, so as long as they remain “wifey,” they feel like they “beat” the other woman – when in fact, everyone has lost all around.

5. She Plans to Stay with Her Man

There are some women who will stay with their man, no matter what he does…even though they know it’s wrong, or that he’ll never change. In order to justify staying with their no-good boyfriend or husband, this woman will simply aim her anger at the other woman as if she single-handedly ruined her relationship. No woman wants to look like a fool in love, even if that’s exactly what she is – so she’ll call the other woman a “homewrecker” who somehow “hoodwinked” her loving man by seducing him…rendering him powerless to her advances. It’s all her fault. Now this woman feels the need to bond with her man in order to “heal” him from his infidelity. Chile please

6. You Know the Woman Personally

Now, if there ever WAS a good reason to blame the other woman, this one might be it. If your man cheated with your bestie, your co-worker, or worse, a close family member, then you might (WILL) have to check that fool. After all, your bond with your best friend or family might (or should if it’s your sister) trump your relationship with your man, and they should be held accountable for not being loyal to you above all else. That still doesn’t absolve your man of his responsibility to you, and he still is to blame…but there’s a code among family and best friends that should never be broken, not for ANY man.

Take it slow

Every relationship has issues, some not as serious as others,  but it's extremely important, that when issues do arise in your relationship, you need to speak about it. Communication is greatly important in any relationship, a relationship with many problems can turn into a marriage with many problems,nothing magically changes, the only thing that does, is the title. Many relationships end because people realize who they are really dealing with... Which is sorta backward isn't it *confused*. It's so important to know what you want, and if the person you are interested in, possess most if not all of the important qualities that you may be looking for. Don't rush, because then you'll have a string of broken relationships. Take your time and sift throw the crazies and waste of time guys :). Have a lovely week darlings . 

A Glass of Real

In light of a situation recently, I just want to say a few things. 


Ladies, if something has happened between the person you are with, and another female. Please remember which of the two you are committed too. Meaning that person is the one who is supposed to respect what you have. Yes, in a perfect world, women would stay away from someone who is taken, but in our world, that does not always happen, please do not lose sight of what happened, and put the blame on the wrong person. Expect the females to not care, but expect him to give an ass about what you guys have!.


For the sneaky gf's out there and her friends. 
To the friends who knows what a girl may be doing behind her bf's back, or what she may have done, that was far from the awesome girl she portrays to him and the rest of the world, if you are anything like me, you get angered, when the guy does something that doesn't even come close to what your friend has done, yet she has the nerve to act like he's killed someone close to her. Now, sit that heux down and tell her don't be quick to judge, the difference with her and her boyfriend, is the fact that he actually came out and told her whatever it is was done, he at least kept up his part in the relationship,concerning being honest and open with each other. 
Not because your boyfriend doesn't know what's going behind his back,means that you can act like Mother Angelica. You are no Saint!. You of all people should understand that things happen. Don't conveniently forget what you did!


To the friends that don't know the whole story
Sometimes your friends don't give you every little detail, and so when she comes with a story about her boyfriend,you can either A) ask her if she has ever done anything behind his back with another dude( if she's sneaky, she'll lie,so this isn't always effective) or B) say "omg,whaaat? girl are you kidding me? wth!!hahaa omg!!. And stay the hell out. 


People are not always as they seem, remember that, we sometimes put masks on when dealing with people to appear as perfect as we can without being too fake.

Thank you

Good Morning you guys :). Just wanted to say thanks for reading :D .. Do have a blessed day 

Drama Free Please

Crazy stories have bombarded me recently. Usually I am the one with the craziness, but I was actually on the listening end this time, or these past couple of weeks. Anyway, through all the crazy I've heard, I really want to address a couple. Here goes. 

The person I am with is amazing in every sense of the word, exceeded every expectation and all that good stuff, now with all of that, there will be persons who will be infatuated with him,as well as persons who will be neither here nor there where he is concerned. Now, as a female we decipher who is where or in which category each female or certain females around him falls into,most females get this right and some are straight up wrong. When you gather this information after carefully checking the activity out, what do you do with it, you may ask? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, unless someone is blatantly disrespecting you and your relationship. If it's basic conversations(although some may have a hidden agenda),you do NOT act upon your human instinct to defend and ghetto instinct to beat down!!

In a relationship, which consists of two people, there is a mutual understanding. You know what you have to do, and what you should do, and I know the same. You know what is acceptable and therefore should do so, and I,the same. And if there comes a point where you feel like someone may be disrespecting your relationship,you should speak to your partner so that they can correct it. 

Women often get caught up in defending and letting others know that a man is taken, honey, why isn't he doing that?. He is in a relationship with you isn't he?. Man and woman alike try. They try to get with you if they are interested, and ones without morals, generally don't care whether the individual is taken, but you should be secure in your relationship that the person you are committed to, knows when to tell someone that they need to stop or they are inappropriate.  

If however you are insecure in your relationship, you need to take that up with your partner. Not involve possibly innocent beings into your union drama. Let him or her know that you feel threatened or that you are weary about a certain individual interacting with them, and from there your partner would address the issue. 

If said person assures you that you have nothing to be worried about, and he/she has not given you any reason to doubt their words, please believe them and drop the paranoia. It reflects poorly on your behalf, as well as the individual you are with. No one wants to be tied to a crazy,immature person who goes around'ensuring' that you know he/she is taken. That's some serious ratchet behaviour. 

It's not lady like or cute to be involved in drama. It's tiring and heavy on the mind and heart, if that's how you  do, do it by yourself or with people who do it with you, but not persons who have no interest in living a drama filled life,keep that heavy worrisome spirit to yourself. 

Thanks for reading. 

From one female to another with love

Hi darlings :)... Today I had a conversation with a woman dear to my heart, one of my aunts who has been through every crazy moment in my life and who I'm sure will be there through all the future craziness I experience. She's been my mother emotionally and every time I speak to her I'm sure to come off the phone laughing or with some knowledge. Anyway we had a conversation today and it was about a number of things, and I would like to share some of them with you guys :) so enjoy..


Being Secure
This is exactly what it says, being secure,and in this state I mean,sure of yourself in a relationship. Not having to call out someone for merely speaking to the guy/girl you're with. Being sure that you know this is me,that is him, we are together and I know he is for me and I am secure in what we have. I don't feel the need to subtly tell some random female that he's my man. I understand him, I understand us and I am strong in what I have with him. He reassures you daily, so your relationship is affirmed with him and some other random chick doesn't faze you or threaten you. 


Cheating and getting past it
If you have cheated on your partner, you cannot expect them to just say "oh well thank God you told me!!". Or they found out and you admitted it, and you think that well if they stayed with me they should just get over it. People get over things in their own way at their own pace. Some people check the mileage on the car, check your messages,email,twitter,fb,calls,or question everything. But that's only to be able to trust you again. And when they feel like they can give you that trust, then these things will fade away. Don't ask why they don't trust you,because they did, you just gave them a reason not too. 


Losing yourself for your partner.
So many women do this, they put everything into a relationship or this man. They make sure he is well fed,dressed,comfortable and everything, only to be given grief and pain in return. Forget what you want for a minute and remember what you deserve. At least you should get some reciprocation.Nobody knows exactly what feelings you have for this person, and it's easy for someone to say girl leave!! you deserve better.. And sometimes yes you do,but don't just look at the love you feel,but the love you get in return as well. Don't force something, when someone is for you, you two will work beautifully, it won't be perfect but there will be a calmness and all round great feeling in your relationship. If you have to force something,maybe that's not the something for you. 


Privacy
Gosh this is a beautiful thing. I have learned the hard way not to get people in every aspect of my life. Up to recently my boyfriend said that I hid him for awhile,lol and that's true. Mainly because I wanted time with him where not many people were involved in what we had, and because my life has been crazy in the boyfriend aspect, I wanted a relationship that was just mine for awhile,lol which is funny because that's how it should be. Anyway it's a good practice to keep your relationship private, at least some aspects of it. Not in the sense that nobody even knows the person you're with,even has a gf/bf though. Don't let someone completely hide you and use "privacy" as an excuse. 


Staying out of other peoples relationship
STAY OUT!!!. I don't give advice on relationships directly any more, for the known fact that people make up and then you become the enemy. When a girlfriend comes to me with problems, all I ever say is you know what you have, you know the love you have, you know what you get in this relationship, you would know if it's really worth saving. Talk to the person, like a civilised adult and work out your problems. You will know if the answers he may give are acceptable. I cannot tell you what to do in your relationship. Just don't settle. 


From one learning lady to another :) Happy reading

Bey

The Little Things

It's far better to have quite a few little arguments in a relationship than to have one explosive one. If something arises, speak about it right away or as soon as possible... SPEAK,not shout or curse each other out, and don't walk off without it being settled., you guys came to an understanding or a compromise.  Don't ignore things because you are wiling to keep this individual, and hope that eventually they learn. Because they won't... It'll be a norm by then. 


The wrong person will always be the wrong person,you can't know it's the wrong person, and hope that he may one day turn into the right one. Little quirks,like leaving up the seat,ok.. Huge things like cheating..NO..RUN!!!. It's still going to be the same person ten years down the line, if that issue hasn't been dealt with. 

Lack of Passion

We’re taught to be “mature” about love, to not get “in over our heads” and all that. But all that conditioning to feel just a little less, has taught some women to believe they don’t need to look for passion anymore, but just something that works. And that’s a shame, because you can definitely have both. Here’s how you know if your love is true love, or just a relationship based around convenience.

 It started slow

Many will argue but, passion is something that either is or isn’t there. Yes, you can grow to love someone because you see they are a good person, that they are generous, compassionate, good providers, etc. But, if from the get go, you weren’t excited to see them—you know, that feeling when every time the phone goes off you hope it’s them—you may just be into him because you know he’s a “good guy,” but, you’re capable of finding a more passionate relationship.

You crave getting out

You need, at least once a week, to get all dressed up and go out. You become depressed if you don’t get seriously dolled up and gain some attention for it. Women in convenient relationships often get their kicks and flattery elsewhere. They don’t need to cheat, but the attention of their man doesn’t make them feel alive enough. If you were truly into your man, hanging around in your PJ’s with no makeup on and having your man say “You’re beautiful” would be 110 percent satisfactory.

You need to drink 

Anxious, even bored, or feel like you’re waiting for the night to begin if you haven’t had a drink yet with your boo? When you’re really happy in your relationship, you never feel like you’re waiting for anything to begin. The second you’re with your man, life seems to zoom by at a mile a minute because you’re so happy—even intoxicated—by having him around. If you’re ultra aware of the absence of alcohol, something is wrong. Try a night without it, and see if you still want to jump in bed.

You don’t miss his company

It seems obvious, but it’s actually difficult to notice if you don’t miss someone when they or you are away on a trip. Why? Because, we don’t notice the absence of a negative feeling. But, in true love, you fall asleep sending your tenth, “I wish you were laying next to me” text from your bed. You want to give your man the play by play of your day via calls or texts. If you find yourself saying, “Oops! I haven’t spoken to my man in a while!” things may not be that passionate

You’re never worried

If right out of the gates, you had no apprehensions about calling a guy up and asking to see him, even on consecutive nights, then you didn’t feel much was at risk. Come on. Every woman worries in the beginning about scaring a man off when she is really into him. If you don’t think twice about asking a dude to hang out for the fifth time this week, and you’ve only known him for a week, he’s more like a friend with benefits than a guy you’re really feeling.

You don’t get jealous

Imagine your man having sex with somebody else. How does that make you feel? If it makes you feel anything less than wanting to vomit and curl up or get riled up, you’re not super invested in your man.

In the end, if passion isn't there, you hurt.