Saturday 31 March 2012

Confused or Denial

Damn for awhile now I've been seeing and hearing of people who "don't know where they stand in their relationship".... Ummm bs! 


You do know where you stand, you just don't want to accept/acknowledge that. 
If you're in and he/she is out. Then yall don't have a relationship. If both of yall have one foot in, then you don't have a relationship, unless that's what you agreed on. If nobody even brought up a relationship, and yall had a fling or some feelings, yall dont have a damn relationship, stop stressing like you do!!


And if you reallllly are confused then let me help


COMMUNICATION! 
Talk to the other person and find out exactly where he/ she stands, not where they are gonna be standing three,four years down the line. If you aren't satisfied with the answer, then you know! And don't let nobody bs you into thinking that "why we talking about this? I'm sure you listening to your friends"... That's really just "easing my way out of answering this so I don't f up some pussy". You have a right to know if you are wasting time. And a man who isn't wasting time with you, will have no problem speaking about important aspects of your relationship. 


You shouldn't be in a position where you're wondering about whether or not you're loved, or where you stand. Those are detrimental aspects of a relationship. So my advise, sit down and talk. And think with your head when making the decision, based on the facts and not with the memories or your "parts".







Common Sense or the Lack of it

Either common sense really isn't that common or when it comes to matters of the heart, people forsake it. 
For the folks who do not know lemme hit you up with some words of wisdom... Or sense, whichever . 


When you have to go behind your partners back to do something, speak to someone, check their email/facebook or phone, then you lack two very important things. COMMUNICATION AND TRUST!! 
Without these two things, you will have a dead end relationship. 


When you practice certain things from the start, it will end with those same practices. Sooooo if you give someone bad habits from the start, it will manifest and continue. If you let the lack of respect pass from the start, the lack of respect will continue throughout your relationship because that's just the "norm" for yall. 


If you make a decision to leave, stick to it, dont think that because your heart hasn't caught up with your head, that this means you should give it another try. NO!!!! If your decision was made based on months/years of the same bs, and the cons outweighed the pros. Stick to your decision. YOUR HEART WILL CATCH UP! WITH TIME AND SOMEONE OR SOMETHING NEW, IT CATCHES UP. 


The faster you accept something for what it really is, the faster you can make a decision on what to do. Don't sugar coat your shyt and make excuses, because that doesn't change anything. It only adds to the shyt!


Don't hold out for something that you don't even see happening. Staying a bit longer, won't change if communication took place many times and nothing has changed. He' she is not going to magically wake up and realize. 


Don't make one nice or kinda nice gesture change your mind. Damn some of yall don't even need to see fireworks, just a smallllllllllll glimmer of light, and you seem to forget everything that made you want to leave in the first place... Until the dust settles and shyt goes back to the way it was. 


Thanks for reading guys :) Please share











Tuesday 27 March 2012

Holding On for all the wrong reasons

If you're like me, and you know tons of people in crazy relationships, you would often find yourself saying "Why doesn't she just leave!!??". Well I'm going to give a couple reasons for why someone in a dysfunctional relationship stays. 


Once upon a time he made you feel good about yourself. Especially after a fight, and so you're left thinking "gee whiz! I'm so freaking lucky to have someone who accepts and loves me for my flaws". .........


You've invested time and don't want the hassle of finding someone new, even though there is no love,passion or excitement. And so you settle, but you don't realize that it's better to be alone than with the wrong guy. 


You have no idea of how damaged your relationship actually is. This happens when you don't share much about your relationship, and this is ok for privacy reasons, but if you find yourself not sharing, because you know jaws may drop, then you really do need to check it. Let your closest friends in on some of the details in your relationship so that they could be your eyes when you're blinded by love.


You have given up on everybody and everything since you met this guy. And he became your for all end all. Maybe even neglected yourself, kids, family, friends, and your career. This surely will lead you to feel as though there is nowhere to go now. It's frightening to think about leaving the person if you have done these things, but it's going to be even scarier to wake up years down the line and see you've done all of this for the wrong guy. 


You have no idea what else is out there. If you're not treated like a queen. There definitely is better. 



Monday 26 March 2012

YOUNG,LIGHT AND FRESH

Get some great friends. Persons with whom you can be comfortable with. When you hang, it's fun and relaxing.


Laugh!!! Even if you force it, you feel better, force a huge smile or hearty laugh


Play with a child. I am yet to see someone play with a baby, with an angry face.


Give.. Love, Laughter, Joy, Gifts... Just give all the good you can. It lifts your mood



Attitude is Everything(For the Single Gal)

Be Confident
Don't nitpick everything about yourself. If you think you need to tweak a couple things, great for you. But please don't do it because you're single. Remember confidence is sexy. 


Don't be quick to drop your "three month rule"
Men want you too think that they aren't sticking around because you make them wait.Truth is most men assume that sleeping with them early on, does not result in a relationship after the "act". So don't get caught up. 


Maybe you aren't compatible with anyone
Lies. You aren't compatible with the people you meet. Or maybe your attitude does need a bit of fixing up and polishing. If so, ask someone close to describe you. 




I might be too picky
You can't help what you want, but don't waste someone's time, or your own, if you know from the start that they don't possess your wants.


Not Enough Effort Maybe?
Are you shaving,shopping,dressing,washing,scrubbing,tweaking,polishing,ironing?. Acknowledging the man who is trying to pursue you?... Enough said. 


Rough Around The Edges?
You may need to tone it down a bit if you scare all the guys off, but this doesn't mean you should turn to "Ms Helpless". 


Not Good In Bed?
Ask,Read and Research





Some daily titbits

If someone wants to leave, then let them go! No amount of begging, pleading, or trying to convince someone to stay with you is worth it. Please let them go! 


Any man who is interested in being with you will find the time, make the time, and create the time for the woman he wants to be with. There will be no excuses. There will be no, “I don’t have time for you,” statements. Any woman worth having and getting is worth putting the time and effort in pursuing and keeping.


Sometimes it's ok to put aside your pride and ask for help, especially if it's going to benefit you a lot in the long run.


Can't want better for somebody who doesn't want better for them self 



He who knows how to read but chooses not to, is no better off than he who does not know how to. 


Night Night guys 

Take Your Mind off it ;)


What do you do when hormones are raging and there’s no man in sight?
1. Play with “Toys”
Nothing says “self love” like a visit to your nearest sex toy shop or website. Host a pleasure party, inviting your girlfriends over for a little fun while stocking up on some goodies to hold you over until you meet a man worthy of YOUR goodies.
2) Get A Massage
It’s sensual without being sexual, and just as relaxing as sex – and you don’t have to feel guilty for just lying there. You can even take a nap!
3)Exercise
Rock a spin class, go for a brisk walk or jog, or try kickboxing. And if you’re really bold, hire that fine trainer at the gym so you can get some one-on-one attention while getting healthy at the same time. Working out releases pent up stress and gives off the same “feel good” endorphins that sex does – and you’ll be in love with your new body, not sex crazed. 
4)Go Out!!!
Take your mind off of it. 



The Curvy Girl


Like most, I have curves. Because of my frame, it’s difficult sometimes to decide how I want to look. I can’t throw on something all willy-nilly without wondering if I’m going to be showing off too much of my even when I’m really not trying to. Most of us are just trying to find an outfit that doesn’t have men gawking and reaching in their pocket to throw singles. Go on,Google ”black woman with curves” and all you get are infamous ass shots and video models.
With a curvier frame, clothes automatically look different on your body, no matter what you do. A dress may look one way on a mannequin and once you put it on, it magically becomes shorter and it hugs you like you're in some desperate need of some loving. It’s inevitable. Knowing this, do you buy clothes a larger size so you have more room, or do you wear your size and flaunt it?
I stand by the fact that the venue always depicts how you should dress. If you are going to run errands, it helps to probably look and feel as laid back as possible, and for work purposes, you know to keep it professional. Now, if you are going out with your girls to a club or happy hour, it may be a more appropriate venue to wear more body hugging clothes.  However, when you do, many times you are faced with glaring stares and men ruthlessly breaking their necks to look at what is behind you, and while some women love the attention, others don’t want it. Unfortunately, when most men see a woman with a larger behind they automatically think of sex. They tend to look at women with larger behinds and curves as sexual beings. This is partly because a lot of media portrays the curvy woman as the one dancing and working poles.
 The way some men approach women is COMPLETELY different depending on their body shape.  Even the way they describe a woman is different: for example, if there is a girl who is petite, has a pretty face and dressed reasonably, they approach her with some respect and decency. They spark up regular conversation and drop a compliment here and there. But if they see a female with a small waist, a large behind, and nice legs, it is a whole new game. They approach her with sex in their eyes (and on the brain), some very close and in your face. They might even make a sexual comment or two. When he is talking to her, he doesn’t even bother to look at her face for a majority of the time; a lot of the time he is scanning up and down taking mental inventory.  Don’t even get me started on the unnecessary touching. Conversation just comes off as unnecessary these days; they just ask for your information, and hit you with the “What you doing later?” No nice talk, just lets get down to it. Boy Puh-leaseee!!
Every curvy woman has been through this time and time again, and it’s pretty sad. Nobody wants to be approached or looked at in an over-sexualized way. Your value as a woman shouldn’t be affected because you have what is considered a “curvier” frame. It ends up being the woman’s responsibility to try and make sure that she portrays herself in a way that commands respect. Maybe rock that pencil skirt instead of a mini skirt. Maybe wear a higher neck shirt instead of that low-cut top. We have all seen that girl that has it ALL hanging out. What kind of message is she sending? Or should she even care? It all comes down to who you are as a person and what you want to say. There are other ways to attract attention of the opposite sex with things like your smile and confidence, but a lot of men see booty first. There will always be a difference between a curvier woman and a woman with less of a curvy shape. It’s like the difference between Jennifer Lopez and Zoe Saldana. What might look elegant on Zoe will look Hot on JLo. As women, we just need to be in control of who we are and our Hot. Seriously, with all the drama that comes with being curvaceous, I can’t even imagine why some women would want to get butt injections

Friday 23 March 2012

Easy Or Not



The go to line for troubled relationships.
“It’s not supposed to be easy”. I cannot stress how many times I’ve heard this line. Friends, ex’s, family members, everybody. Please stop!!!! A relationship is not going to be easy, because you are putting two people together who may possibly have different views and personalities that may clash and so cause problems. This however is by no means an excuse for your relationship to be hard as hell and like pulling teeth. It is going to have a level of difficulty but it is never supposed to be hard unless you are dealing with some kind of forbidden love. You love each other, communicate, show affection, send time together and be understanding. What is so difficult in that?  Absolutely nothing.  If your partner constantly utters this line without any kind of change to his/her behavior then you need to reevaluate your relationship

Thursday 22 March 2012

Dear Guys who try to diss girls,

F you!! :)...Umm its immature when you can't get something and instead of being mature, you choose to stoop low and call a female names. THE FOX CALLS THE GRAPES SOUR WHEN HE CAN'T GET IT!. And when you're ugly as hell, it's not cool when you try to mess someone else up! Grow a pair and get a life. Ironic how the ugly ones always feel they're the shyt. hmmm ... And when you wanna act as though something or some "ugly bitch" didn't upset or hurt your feelings... Putting a stat for her only says the opposite.... lol seriously... Get a life!!
Sincerely all the Girls You Can't Get. 

I'm Black and I'm Proud

I'm black and proud to the extent of my color, and the people who fought to be free. There is a reason they fought for it, and there was a goal. Somehow, coming down the line, generation after generation that got lost. Somehow we lost sight of who we are, what we are, how we got here and what we're worth. Somehow the tales of slavery no longer mean anything, and we embrace it with open arms, welcoming it back into our lives. Somehow along the line, 'I'm black and I'm proud' was just something to say and not an actual feeling. Somehow our race has ended up in a place where we don't even want to say I'm black. We're either brown, mixed far down the blood line, and everything else in between. Somehow we've managed to be worst off than our ancestors in slavery times.

By Product

I rell tired of hearing fellas talking about "swag" dannn people does still talk about that?? And you ALONE talking bout d swag you have!!!! hahahaha.. na na na na. Listen nobody wants to hear about the swag you do not have!!The females you do not have, and the cool factor you lack.... AND THE LAMEST PEOPLE I KNOW, ARE THE ONES WHO THINK THEY ARE JUST THE COOLEST THING EVER!! Idk what ratchet lil girls allyuh going around eh. But if MOST females won't lack at you twice...actually won't even peep in your direction, then YOU AINT SAYING SHYT!! Except in your mind ofc......!*silence* ......lol seriously tho stop it!!!STOOOOPPPP ITTT!!!You look mad stupid!
Before I go..Thank God or whoever you thank that there are celebrities who say random shyt and portray this idc lifestyle, cuz idk what sum of yall would've said when the day come or how ya'll would have acted. like YOLO and I saw soooo many fools saying SHE SAID YES!!! when they know aint nobody said yes to anything!! Please be original...Be ur damself!! Gosh stop acting like another by product of stupidity. and the doh care attitudes these people "walk around" with or lines they utter, clearly doesn't translate into their lives. they dont care about ur ass!! Cause all the females they fck or whoever they happen to be with in the moment get treated like royalty, that "idc bout bitches" bs is for the songs!! don't get it twisted... and that "fck life,bitches,fake friends,getting money" crap clearly in true with them either cause they work hard as a mofo, they chill with people they "have beef with"..ok maybe not all.. and they are actually making money... So please think about how dumb u look b4 saying any of these things and being a follower :)... Quote the Bible :/ 

One For the Guys

Guys, from a female perspective, it's unattractive and such a huge turnoff to talk about things you don't have. Yes we want a guy who can dress, but to always talk about swag is one of the lamest things you can do and guarantees you won't score big with a girl, at least not a intelligent focused one. It's even worse when you don't have 'swag'. Boy who the hell are you trying to please? We know the truth, and its even worse to constantly update your status or tweet about money when you don't have. Are you a rapper? Then don't do that, we can barely stand when they get paid to sing about these things, far less when your broke ass is doing it. We don't have to know how much money you have, but when that's all you talk about, 'getting money' 99% of the time, especially if you're young and work in some dinky little place, we know you're fronting. Don't brag about sex either, or your penis, self explanatory, and don't play it down either, because you may blow your chances of getting any. A big one for us girls, that guys don't get, is not 'girls say they want a nice guy but when one comes along she ignores him'. First thing's first, there are very FEW 'nice' guys out there, so don't be trying to play like you're a nice guy and girls are crap for not wanting you when you know you dog girls out or use them. The kind of guy who fools weak minded little girls into having sex with them and then classing them as whores, please, don't front. And on a side note, girls please don't fall for these stupid guys with their stupid lines. The worst I've heard 'You're a lil girl' lol boy please! I'm not stupid. Anyway, back to the topic, for the few nice guys there are, this is for you. It's not that we females don't want a nice guy, we do, you guys just sometimes come across as too clingy, or move to fast. Show her affection, but not so much as for her to feel absolutely sick of you because you're 'too' nice. That is a turn off, especially if you're unsure as to how she feels about you. If you're not sure, show her enough affection as to know you are different, but not so much that she runs off into the arms of some 'no good'. Don't be too willing to please, especially not right away, show her that you are a man and not just some pathetic sap who can't get a girlfriend. This does not mean that you should treat her like some stupid ex did, just assert yourself, show her that you can be soft and sweet as well as stand your ground. Be versed in the things she like, but not so willing as to only do whatever she wants because you think she'll like you more if you do, show her your world as well. Don't start with babies, marriage and a life together before you even know if she likes you because that is such a turn off and will guarantee you a 'physco' in her book. Make her laugh, can't stress how important this is, a girl loves to laugh. Don't be anti conversational, it's a turn off when a female has to initiate all the conversations. Make her want you, not sexually, but intellectually. If she isn't excited, or looking forward to your next conversation or meeting, then you've done something wrong. Be an ear, but not one who just listens to her stories about her ex, especially not when you want to make her more. Most importantly, what's for you, is for you. If one fish doesn't bite, another one will. Don't be discouraged, just take it as a lesson learnt. This does not, by any means, mean turn into an asshole. God knows how many of these we already have in this world, we do not need anymore.

Jah no starrr females

So I've been doing some research, as you may say, and I've looked into this because I know a number of females who have fallen into these categories and some make it into something 'good', which most times means that they've played it up in their minds. So my 1st term is 'baby mama'. Ok so I know that the correct term is 'Mother of his child',now that is what it is, you don't have to be a girlfriend, or a wife, or anything of significance to be a baby mama and that's why I think some females hate the term. Now if you're his girl and you have a child fathered by him, then you're his girlfriend and yall have a child. But since when does being a girlfriend with a child mean you're his WIFE?. He didn't put a ring on it and make it right before God. And if you don't like being just that, then change the situation, become a wife, and a WIFE, not a WIFEY. Which brings me to my second term, you can argue if you choose but don't go all in denial and don't take it in, soak it up and accept, because you'll be limiting yourself. Ok so there's good old saying that a man knows whether or not he's going to make you his Wife i.e. going in front of God and making things official and right in the eyes of the Lord, from a very early stage. And while some may that argue marriage is not for everyone *pulls out scripture as proof* and this may be true, then I don't expect you to have kids then either right? Because according to the Bible you shouldn't be making them out of wedlock, although, he does accept the baby. Another argument is you aren't 'there' yet or you're getting to know each other. That may work, but only if its only been 0-2 years. Anything past that, you are fooling yourself and it surely doesn't work if you guys have a child or children. Are you saying you've been having babies for a man you don't know? What kinda sick sh*t is that?. This excuse if for the not so religious folk who says marriage is just a piece of paper, but its not just that, it's a sacred thing between a man and woman, becoming one, and being so in the eyes of the Lord. Now if you don't believe in God, then we have a problem. Now another famous one is that it's such a commitment that you aren't sure you want to make, mind you so many times the person giving this excuse is already living with the guy, been with him for years, already has a child or children by him, brings up marriage, is faithful,does wifely duties, refers to herself as his wife and puts 'Married' as her relationship status on the ever so lovely Facebook. Who you tryna fool? You're doing a good job at fooling yourself, and I'll be damned if this person believes in God. Your Bible must be missing pages. Most times, this woman loves too much and is so willing to please her partner that she settles for mediocrity. I understand it's the love that needs to be there, and a piece of paper is nothing, but it's not just a piece of paper, it's a bond that symbolizes great things, one that is blessed by God. Playing house is simply that there is no such thing as a Wifey, truth be told, your a drag along, a girlfriend, the milk he got for free. And so many times, your relationship is over and what happens to you? He goes and marries this female he didn't know for long. Ladies don't let a man fool you with excuses and drag you along, put your foot down and demand the happiness you deserve and want. But, if marriage isn't for you now, and now being that you guys have been together for years and basically live a married life, beside the fact that you're shacking up living in sin, then there's more than you want to admit. If you don't be honest with yourself, you're gonna regret it in the end. It is what it is, a spade is a spade, don't convince yourself that it's a diamond ring.

Does Anyone Really Care Anymore?

Does anyone really care anymore. Really? Do we really,honestly from the bottom of our hearts care? About anybody else. My personal opinion no,and I say this because we've become so self centered and so preoccupied with ourselves that anything that doesn't personally affect our own lives,doesn't bother us like it should. What really bothers me about this has a lot to do with religion,and many people even my pastor has said that I really do come down on Christians,and that's not necessarily a bad thing,because it makes us think. And thinking is a good thing,especially when its about us and the quality of our lives. Me,personally,I struggle with grasping how we as humans conveniently alter everything to suite us. For example we try to be good Christian or Muslim people and act as though God is at the forefront of our lives yet that's only in front of certain people,and many of us are guilty,its so much more important for us to please people,but really that's such a waste because your God can still see you. And many Christians say its not easy to be one,and I believe that in some sense,because we aren't perfect   but we have rules,set by God and yet we blatantly go against it,and then still act holier than ever,and use the excuse that its not easy etc. We want to be of God yet live in sin,consciously. Live in it,knowledgeable about what we're doing. I guess its because we say God is a forgiving one. But I think even God gets tired of it. Are you trying?are you really trying to live in the way you should? Its important that we aren't all about "self" it is  important that we love ourselves and take the time for us but look at yourself and ask if your life really exhibit what God would want it too. I don't know much but I do think that how you deal with your fellow man says a lot,especially to God,because if you don't care about your fellow man's hardship because it doesn't directly affect you,and you couldn't be bothered,or don't have the time to deal with anyone else or give anyone else,then you're not really doing what you should.



Wednesday 21 March 2012

21/03/12

This isn't as bad as I thought it would have been . :s idk what I thought lol :) anyway I had the longest day and thanks to My Dela :* my blogs were fixed :D.. He's apparently taken the role of blog manager ..THANKS babe!!! anyway for those of you reading this, thank you and feel free to comment and share :D.. If you dont like it, ease me up :/..Good night 










Blissfully Naive

Blissfully Naive 


I know of and I've heard of many females who go by this crazy saying that "he comes home to me" . Almost as though they're bragging..... But he's coming home to you after he's been else where with someone else? . Stop selling yourself short and embarrassing yourself. Naïve bliss is when a person looks at their relationship with a rose coloured lens. Reasons why people choose to live like this may be because they are scared of losing the person and would rather not cause a problem. Or it may be due to the fact that they are extremely passive and do not want to deal with anything that is not directly brought to their attention. Regardless of the reason, this person is still making a conscious decision to live in a state of denial about what may or may not be going on in his/her relationship.
 In your relationship you may start to get the feeling that something just isn’t right. Women have been known to have a sixth sense, it is called intuition.  Are you really better off not knowing? Can you really be in a happy, fulfilling relationship if you are choosing to live in “naïve bliss”? Is the saying, what you don’t know can’t hurt you, true? Whether or not you choose to ignore the fact that your partner might be cheating doesn’t change his/her actions. If you are not one of those women who checks a man’s phone or stalks his social media networks, there is always that gut feeling, don't ignore it.
I am firm believer that a woman’s gut is her greatest tool, don't be blind to what may be right in front of your face. Every woman owes it to herself to be honest and forthcoming and find out what is really going on in their relationship. It may be nothing, or it may be an arising issue that you really should be aware of. 

Enough Already


When is it enough…
Ok so I know of many women, grown women and young ladies who seem to be so engrossed in a man that they don’t realize how messed up their whole life has become because of it.  To be in denial about a dysfunctional relationship only affects you and the people who actually care. If you are in a situation where this individual is not even your man, and you're stressing like he’s your damn child, you need to move on. If someone wants you, they are going to make you a permanent fixture in their life. I cannot stand to hear my friends complain about a man, especially if he ain’t even theirs. I do understand to a point but then you act as though this man is the best thing ever, or you’ve invested so much time into your relationship or so much time into trying to get a relationship with the individual that it's worth sticking around some more. Really? I don’t feel that way, because if months or years have gone by without any real change you’re gonna be stuck with many more years or months of heartache, so pick yourself up and look at it as lesson learnt. You now know exactly what you don’t want and what you do. And while you’re there stressing about someone who does not care, that someone is out enjoying life with everyone. It’s sad to love someone and not get it in return but if its like that for you, don’t put yourself on the floor and not expect somebody to walk all over you. Focus on you and the people who do give you love and affection and please don’t take out your frustration on them, whether it be your children, close family members of friends.
So in saying that I wanna give some of the signs for when I believe that it's time to pack up and leave. 
So first of all if you are in a relationship and there isn't much growth, you need to evaluate. Especially when you've been in it for a number of years and there is no real progression. You're experiencing teenage like problems in a mature relationship. 
If your partner doesn't make you feel good about yourself or your relationship,or even being with them. Just being around them you feel drained, or just an uncomfortable feeling.
If you feel like you are staying just because you have no where else to go.
You are the only person trying in your relationship. How long are you willing to put 200 percent. 
You can no longer have civilized conversations or disagreements. 
No respect 
There is a constant need to hide things from your friends and family. 

Are you DYSFUNCTIONAL

Are you DYSFUNCTIONAL 


Ahhhhhhhhhhhh where do I start on this damn topic!! My mind's going all over the damn place right now. First of all... WELCOME!!! :) just had to say that lol. Anyway, I guess I should start with the reason I'm writing this particular blog......
Ladies... ladies ladies ladies ladies... sighhh.. ladies ladies ladies...
 I just want to say this, I am starting to believe that there is some gooooood stuff going around and most of the females I know, are getting some of it! Now I say this because I can't see any other reason to stay in some of the relationships yall are in!! Gad damn!! I'm not in it and I feel drained and upset!! 
I really am saying this out of love and maybe fricken frustration!!
Here goes! Enjoy and feel free to share to any sista who falls in one or more of these categories..

Let me deal with my females who don't even have a man but has enough stress and problems for all of their friends! Ladies .. IF A MAN WANTS YOU, IF A MAN WANTS TO BE WITH YOU, HE WILL!! If he is serious about you, he will be committed to you!! Unless you're dealing with forbidden love or mess like he's married or something, do not be the girl/woman he strings along!! And don't be the string along, and knowing this, get all angry when he treats you as such, or you aren't getting the commitment you want from him!! If that is the role you decided to play, then play it and be quiet!! Lemme tell you, you cannot decide that you are ok with being a string along for now, but later want a certain level of commitment. He already dubbed you as that. Chances are, not much is going to change in his mind about you. Do not be the person he goes to when all his other options aren't there!! That shyt cray and you're gonna end up hurt and feeling like a damn ass when they do make an appearance and you're left there, bitter as hell!! Stop giving this person all this damn satisfaction of knowing he has you right where he wants you! If he is NOT your man, if yall aren't exclusive or any of that good shyt, he does NOT owe you shyt!!! He can speak to whom ever he wants, he can make time for whoever, he can flirt, sex, kiss with whoever gives him the chance!!! You have no right getting angry, because from day one you established that "side piece", "whenever nobody else is around piece" was your damn role!! And I'm sure that your friends get tired of hearing you complain about something that isn't even yours!!. Soooo if you know that you want more than that, let it be known. Do not hint, do not wait, do not deny it, let the man/boy know!!. That way nobody's time is being wasted, and no feelings are hurt. If you do get a no, you never know, that may be a blessing. Something better is out there. 

For the ladies in dysfunctional relationships :)........... Shut up!!! No... Seriously STFU!! Lemme tell you, when your friends, close or just taking up space friends, hear or see you complain so much about a guy, they get tired and frustrated, and chances are if they are anything like me, they say you are dumb as hell! ok.. Yes you may be in love, I get that, but if your relationship is as poor as you make it out to be then you need to drop it or work on it, but don't sit, putting up stats complaining because NEWS FLASH... AIN'T NOBODY INTERESTED!!! Either you love the dysfunctional thing you have, you like attention, or you're plain dumb. If you like it, hush and take it, we don't want to hear. If you feel lost, frustrated or whatever, talk to the person you are with. If that doesn't help, reach to a couple friends or family PRIVATELY or leave the person on the whole. If it's the attention you like, you need to seek professional help. Nobody needs to know all the problems you have within your relationships, especially if the person you're with doesn't even know. Like putting a stat for them on fb or bbm or tweeting it, and they don't even know that's how you feel... Gosh please stop!!

If you are in a dysfunctional relationship and you don't broadcast it, good for you *pats back* . But please don't stay in it. Please fix it and seek some help. That shyt is depressing and can break and make you suicidal. Do not keep that in. Leave if you have to. Don't think of it as time invested, but think of it as how much more time you're going to waste holding on to something that isn't working or the other person doesn't want it as bad as you do. Really let go and let God... I'm sure the dxck aint' thaaaat good to make you go through the shyt that you are..

Appearance


Appearance

Clothing
Now ladies, you know I am all for embracing you, loving you, and accepting you. And we get that, and in your own way, you are beautiful, your beauty and my beauty may not be the same thing but you are beautiful, and self confidence in itself is Beautiful in the highest. But dang some of yall be realll ratchet *says in ratchet like voice*. I realize that not many of us, to put it kindly, know how to portray our inner beauty or properly portray our exterior beauty.
Now we’re all shaped differently, genetics and the whole works, and believe that if many of us could have chosen how we looked, we probably may have not changed our look entirely, but a couple of things here and there, be honest,  doesn’t have to be surgically altered. But there is nothing wrong if you want something a little different- lifted a bit, tucked in a bit. There isn’t anything wrong with that, you deserve to be happy and if that’s going to do it, then go ahead, but please remember that you have to love you from the inside first in order to love you on the outside.
Anyway, I’m basically on this topic because I’ve noted in my country, mainly, that some females are not aware of what to wear in order to flatter their body type. As I said before, we’re not the same, we don’t look the same, we don’t act the same, we don’t think the same way and we don’t have the same presence as the next person may have. Don’t know that you’re legs aren't what they use used to be and wear some short ass pants, or leggings that are laced, or white. Don’t do that. Don’t wear a top that has your stomach showing, especially if  it’s not firm or you have stretch marks or something, fix that shyt first or don’t show us, cause don't nobody wanna see that mess!!!!! Because although we are supposed to love each other, in reality we don’t love your faults, especially if we aren’t that tight. We do not need to see that. We don’t need to see your boobs in a top or a dress going different directions, or discovered gravity, cover that shyt up! You can still look sexy, but do it in a good, self respecting way that shows you love yourself, not that you don’t have respect for yourself, please be age appropriate. On that note you need to be real ladies, and know that what may look good on a skinny chick isn’t going to transfer well on a thick chick. A slender girl’s clothing is not going to have the same effect on a thick girl’s body or a skinny girl’s body or an overweight person’s body. I’m not bashing or hating but it’s the truth, do not deny it because you are going to make yourself look pretty stupid. I always say “Not because it’s in your size means you have to wear it.” Big girls, yes you gals think "I’m sexy, I can wear this, I look just as good as the size 2 chick." In reality you don’t always look that good, because to us on the outside, the only thing that’s going through our head is “Does she really think that was necessary?” “Is she serious?” I get that you’re confident but you also have to know what works for you and what does not. There are some cute big girl clothes that are appropriate, however, I will admit there isn’t enough and something needs to be done to accommodate the Larger DIVA.
 The same thing applies to smaller chicks, not everything looks good on you because you are smaller in size. Some of you do not possess the presence to wear some of the clothing, you don’t look all that in it, because there’s space where there isn’t supposed to be any. Do not think because I am small I can wear whatever and talk about the big girls like they “can’t touch this.”


Hairstyles
Now all the rave is about styles, and shaving your head and coloring it crazymad colors that are feisty and outgoing and says a lot about your personality. However ladies, not all of the hairstyles that celebs may have would suit you, your figure, the shape of your head, your attitude, your presence when you enter the room, and many other variables. Don’t do yourself an injustice if you want a hairstyle that looks like Cassie and you don’t have any of the features that make her look good with the hairstyle, because then it won’t transfer good to you. Be real with yourselves ladies, find a style that suits not only your personality but your look, your body, your features, the shape of your face, and your profession. That’s all.

Dangerously in Love.

Dangerously in Love.

Most relationships are exciting in the beginning, and for some of us, the more excitement, the more captivated we are, often mistaking dysfunctional for normal. Although not all unhealthy relationships mean abusive, there are many signs that it is indeed unhealthy, and harming us more than anything. So I'm here to share some warning signs to look out for. Enjoy and feel free to share :) 
1) He/She is always angry or has a temper for little things. Many times this leads to physical abuse. You know the type, short fuse, gets angry for something that makes you go :s "huh??? wth just happened there??" and when he realizes, he apologizes and blames it on work or something other than himself. Please don't mistake this as a sign of caring.


2) No equality in the relationship. He/She is the hero and you're the sidekick. 


3) Jealousy is never cute on anyone. If your guy/girl makes scenarios in his/ her head about you and someone else and then tries to make you stop interacting with that person or people because "something is going on" or "you're being too friendly". If there's always a feeling of having to defend yourself and hide things that are innocent, just for the sake of not arguing. Stop, pack and get outa there!


4)Physically abusive. Please don't take that apology, once an abuser, always an abuser, give him/her a number for a psychologist. 


5) Verbally abusive. Most people who are verbally abusive will try to play it off as though they are not, or you are the reason they tell you those things. They try to make you feel low and break you. This really is their own insecurities. Verbal abuse hurts just as much as a punch. Do not tolerate that from anyone!! Tell him/her sort his/her shyt out!!


6)Abuses drugs. If that's how yall roll then kudos for you. But if it's one partner and he/she becomes abusive when they take drugs/drink, pack yo shyt!!


Seriously guys, please don't take these things for granted and think it will get better. Nothing gets better just like that, help needs to be sought first. 




Loving and Accepting Me


Loving and Accepting Me.

To be honest I don’t think I knew what this really meant until recently. I’ve heard it many times before and I really thought I did and I really did think I was living by this, but I wasn’t. I came to this conclusion  when I realized that people I held close to my heart were saying things to and about me that were not true, either with the intention to bring my esteem down (knowingly or unknowingly) or to give me a reputation that did not represent who I was.  Anyway, I kept these people in my life and I began to believe everything that they said about me, and that made me depressed and unhappy with everything about myself; my body, my hair, my skin, complexion, attitude, intelligence, personality, and the list goes on and on . I started to believe that I deserved the negative that came my way, I began to hate myself. I was angry at people I shouldn’t have been angry with; I was distant with the World. I was in my World and I had very few people I felt that I could turn to, and the ones I did turn to told me I was beautiful and intelligent and tried to get me back to where I was and was supposed to be, but to be honest, this did little at the moment.
Anyway, one night I realized that I did not deserve it, I was better than that, and nothing I did could be justified for the way people spoke to me or spoke about me. This realization didn’t come randomly, I had been thinking about it for a while, and I was watching a movie and although the situation wasn’t exactly like mine, it made me think, and I did research and I confirmed my thoughts. Abuse, by any means, whether emotional or physical and so on is never ok and you don’t deserve it. No matter what anyone says, or tries to make you believe, “You are beautiful.” Please remember that you are also human and at times you will fall short, but remember when you fall, the people that pick you up, that keep you down, and the ones that picks you up and put you back down.
I began to love myself, and the moment that I realized I was loved, appreciated, blessed, beautiful and so much more, I felt lighter, I felt like I was out of that slum and I was not about to return. You see, I believe that sometimes we love so hard that we lose ourselves, and we love so much that we are willing to be ridiculed, degraded, embarrassed, unappreciated and all that bad stuff. Sometimes it becomes more important for us to hold onto somebody rather than hold onto ourselves. We tell ourselves that it would be worth it, but really...It's not.  So if you find yourself here, STOP, CHECK YOURSELF, RE-EVALUATE  OR SOMETHING! Talk to someone about it, let them knock some damn  sense into your ass. An outside opinion is always great to hear because it's unbiased. 
Have a great day folks :)